It’s hard to know how to react when we find out someone has cancer. There’s no doubt that the word “cancer” conjures up some strong feelings, so we have a tendency to speak emotionally, often without first thinking it through. However, there are some phrases and sentiments that you’ll want to avoid using when you find out someone has cancer.

“At Least You Don’t Have Cancer of the _____”

It may be true that some forms of cancer are more dismal than others, but any cancer diagnosis is a tragedy for that person and those around them. Don’t try to minimize the significance of their illness by saying “At least you don’t have pancreatic cancer because that form of cancer is more severe,” or something of that nature.

“How Long Do You Have to Live?”

Even if the diagnosis is fatal, it’s never appropriate to ask about the mortality rate or timeframe. If the person is close to you and feels like divulging that information, they will tell you in their own time.

“My Uncle Had Cancer”

Everyone’s experience with cancer is different. It’s not fair to try and compare the person’s diagnosis to someone else that you know because it might be completely different. Bringing up someone else’s experience with cancer is irrelevant and takes the focus off of the topic at hand, which is the person you’re talking to.

“You Can Beat This”

I understand that this phrase is used out of a desire to be optimistic and upbeat in the face of such a grave prognosis. However, you have to be careful with this phrase because it implies that the person’s fate is in their control. That if they are tough enough and have the right attitude they can overcome cancer. For some people, this is encouraging, but more often than not it can result in feelings of failure if their disease takes a turn for the worse.

Everyone who has been diagnosed with cancer feels differently about it. Likely the person is going to be very sensitive about the subject, so it’s important to choose your words carefully to avoid hurting their feelings or saying something offensive. Try to avoid these phrases and sentiments, and when it comes down to it, just show your compassion. Be empathetic towards their condition and think about what you would want someone to say or not say to you if you were in that position.

There’s never going to be a good time to tell your children you have cancer. No matter what, it’s going to be painful for you and your children. You’ll decide when it’s the right time to tell your children about your diagnoses in your own time. When that time comes, here are 4 tips to prepare you for the difficult conversation.

1. Be Honest

As parents we always want to protect our children from getting hurt. It will be painful for your children to find out you have cancer, but you have to be honest with them. It’s going to be tempting to “sugar coat it” or play it off as if it’s not as bad as it really is in order to mitigate the pain, but try to avoid this temptation. Give them accurate information now so they won’t be confused later.

2. Help Them Understand

Cancer is a complicated topic, especially in the mind of a small child. Try to explain your diagnosis to your children in a way that will make sense to them. The last thing you want is for your children to come up with their own ideas for what cancer is and let their imagination get the best of them.

3. Tell Them What to Expect

There are going to be a lot of changes going forward. Tell your children what to expect in order to help them adjust. If you have to undergo chemotherapy, tell them about the physical side effects. If there are going to be changes in your daily routine, explain to them what those are. It’s better to be up front about these changes so there aren’t too many unpleasant surprises later.

4. Reassure Them

Yes, there are going to be hardships on the horizon, but reassure your children that you’re still here for them and that in the end, everything will be okay. If you have younger children, make sure they understand that they did not do anything to cause your illness and that they will not contract cancer from you. Reassure them that you are going to do everything you can to make sure they are taken care of.

It’s important to keep the dialogue going after this initial conversation has ended. Kids are going to come up with questions later, so let them know that it’s okay to come to you with their questions and thoughts.

Finding out someone close to you has cancer is like getting the wind knocked out of you. At first you feel stunned. The very word ‘Cancer’ is enough to silence you. What do you say? What can you do? How to react? Here are 3 tips for reacting appropriately and compassionately when you find out someone close to you has been diagnosed with cancer.

1. Listen

Listen first so that when it is time to talk, you can say the right thing. Everyone reacts to this terminal diagnosis differently, so before you spew out the first thoughts that come to your mind, listen to their point of view. Find out how they’re doing and how they’re dealing with it.

2. Use Non Verbal Communication

Actions speak louder than words. Sometimes a hug or just holding the person’s hand is enough to let them know that you’re truly there for them. Even if it’s hard, make eye contact so that they know you’re really hearing what they have to say. Show them with your actions how you feel if it’s too hard to speak.

3. Ask What You Can do to Help

Just letting the person know that you’re there for them can be a big comfort. The road to cancer recovery is long and dark, and nobody wants to travel it alone. You could ask what you can do to help, or you can look for a need in their life and just take care of it. Some people don’t feel comfortable asking for help, no matter how badly they need it. Take it upon yourself to find out what they need help with and surprise them by taking care of it.

No one is going to handle difficult news perfectly. We are human, with human emotions that often get in the way of rational thoughts and words. If you’re truly at a loss of words and don’t know what to say, just say you’re sorry. They’ll know what you mean.

There are so many different types of cancer and it seems like every day scientists are coming up with new ways people could contract cancer. Although it’s impossible to eliminate every single carcinogen in our everyday lives, there are some easy steps we can take to minimize our risk of getting cancer. Here are 5 tips for living a cancer-free lifestyle.

1. Don’t Skimp on the SPF

Skin cancer is one of the most common type of cancer. The good news is, it’s fairly easy to prevent! Although you may be tempted to go with an SPF 15 to get that bronzed sun-kissed look this summer, just remember, nothing looks better than cancer-free skin. Choose a sunscreen high in SPF such as 45 or 50, and re-apply frequently. Most people don’t realize it but sunscreen is only effective for a few short hours, and even waterproof sunscreen isn’t as effective after a dip in the pool or sweaty game of beach volleyball.

2. Consume Plenty of Antioxidants

Free radicals are toxins that can damage your body’s healthy cells through oxidation. Consuming foods high in antioxidants can help neutralize these dangerous free radicals and prevent them from fostering diseases such as cancer. Berries are the best source of antioxidants, however, other fruits such as cherries, apples, pears, kiwi, and pineapple are also rich in antioxidants. Go for beans, nuts, and vegetables for other cancer-fighting nutrients. You also may be surprised to learn that many beverages have proven to be good sources of antioxidants. Coffee, green tea, and even red wine are all rich in antioxidants.

3. Get Checked Out

Don’t wait for signs and symptoms to visit the doctor. Get checked out regularly, at least annually. Your doctor will be able to catch warning signs before they become serious issues.

4. Stay Active

According to the American Cancer Society, regular physical activity can reduce your risk of cancer. Adults are recommended to get 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week or 75 minutes of intense exercise each week. Can’t fit a workout into your schedule? Find ways to sneak some physical activities into your daily routine. Take a short walk over your lunch break and take the stairs whenever possible.

5. Kick the Habit

Remember those free radicals we talked about? Well, free radicals can also be introduced into the body by exposure to certain substances, such as cigarette smoke. If you smoke cigarettes, it’s never to late to quit. If you don’t smoke, do your best to avoid situations that will force you to inhale cigarette smoke.

Anyone who knows someone who has battled cancer knows what a terrible, destructive disease it is. Typically these people are the ones taking extra preventative measures to avoid getting cancer themselves. Don’t wait to experience the destruction of cancer first or second hand to do something about your health. Take charge now to reduce your risk of cancer while you’re still healthy.

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, the devastation spreads far beyond just the person who is diagnosed. Everyone close to that person feels the pain, but few will feel pain as great as the person’s spouse. The spouse is dealing with the fact that they may lose their best friend and partner in life forever. They need your support right now and it’s up to you to find a way to do that.  Here are 3 tips to support the spouse of someone with cancer.

Thinking of You

Anytime you happen to think of your friend, let them know, whether it’s with a card just to let them know you’re thinking of them, or a phone call to check in and see how their doing. Don’t wait for them to come to you for support. Reach out to them because chances are, they won’t ask for help even if they need it.

Fun Day Out

Help take their mind off the issue at hand. Thinking about their spouse’s cancer all day, every day isn’t going to help make it go away and it isn’t productive. Invite your friend to spend the day with you. Take them golfing or on a shopping trip. It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you find something fun to take his or her mind off of the daily burden of cancer.

Make a Meal

Especially when the spouse is going through treatments, there is the tendency to spend long hours in the hospital. Between hospital visits, work and the events of everyday life, your friend may not have time to prepare dinner most nights. Offer to bring a meal over to the house one night so that the family can enjoy a home-cooked meal together without the work of preparing it or cleaning up.

Since you can’t do anything to rid your friend’s spouse of cancer, you must do the only thing you have control over, and that’s to be there for your friend and show your support. If you still can’t decide the best way to show your support, think about what you would want someone to do for you if you were in that situation. No matter what you do, your friend will recognize your compassion and appreciate your kindness.

Here are a few tips from the Canadian Cancer Society on helping someone with cancer:

• Spend time with the diagnosed. Let the person with cancer be the leader. When they want to talk, listen. Make sure you listen to how they talk, not just what they say. Try to hear what they mean but may not be able to say. Don’t offer advice unless you’re asked to.
• Respect their wishes. Every person with cancer has their own feelings about cancer. Some people don’t want to talk about it. Others may want to talk about it one day but not the next.
• Set aside time for visiting when you won’t be distracted, and take the time you need to listen well. Turn off cell phones or pagers, and focus on the person you are visiting.
• Tell a joke and laugh; it may help the person with cancer get their mind off their illness. People with cancer do not want to talk about their disease all the time. It;s okay to laugh and enjoy life, even when ill.
• Try to keep your eyes on the person you are talking to. If you keep looking around, they might wonder if you’re being honest and open. People can also pick up things from the tone of your voice or the way your face looks. Touching or smiling show someone with cancer that they still mean as much to you, even if they are ill.

What can you do for someone who has been diagnosed with cancer? Cancer is a powerful disease that can make even the strongest feel powerless when faced with the diagnoses. You wish you could just make it go away, but you can’t. So the next best thing is to help them through it and show your support. Giving gifts to someone who has cancer can be a thoughtful way to show you care.

You can show support in a number of ways, but a heartfelt gift can be just the thing that lifts their spirits on a particularly dark day. The right gift can help the person through the struggle in times when you personally cannot. Here are some ideas of  gifts to give to someone who is battling cancer to help them fight on.

Motivate

Although cancer is a physical illness, you can’t deny the power of a good positive mental attitude. However, keeping a positive attitude and finding the strength to fight on isn’t easy. Help your loved one stay motivated with a motivational keep sake. Something they can look at every day as a reminder to keep fighting.

This “Have Hope” Sign and “What Cancer Cannot Do” sign have wonderful motivational messages. Help your loved one hang the sign somewhere they will see it everyday and stay motivated.

Inspire

Death is a reality for everyone, but when faced with a terminal illness, it becomes much more immanent. People realize that they need to make use of their precious time on earth and live life to the fullest. Give your loved one something inspiring. Something to breathe life into their hopes and dreams.

This “Dance Like Nobody’s Watching” sign exudes life and the happiness that comes to those who live everyday as if it were their last.

Encourage

Sometimes a word of encouragement and support is all a person needs to get through a tough day. Anyone suffering from cancer is going to have their fair share of tough days, and you might not always be around to reach out to them. Give your loved one something like these Charms of Encouragement to keep with them at all times.

So what do you get for someone who is suffering from cancer? Something that will resonate with your loved one and bring value well beyond the day you gave the gift.

As time passes, the re-connection with the power of your heart will move yourself out of grief.

When the heart is enlivened again, it feels like the sun coming out after a week of rainy days. There is hope in the heart that chases the clouds away. Hope is a higher heart frequency.  As you begin to reconnect with your heart, hope is waiting to show you new possibilities and arrest the downward spiral of grief and loneliness.  It may becomes a matter of how soon you want the sun to shine.

Listening to the still, small voice in your heart will make hope into a reality.

• Understanding and Managing Grief, December 4 – December 10, 2011 (griefhealingblog.com)
• Celebrating The Journey Through Grief (heartachetohealing.com)
• How To Cope With Grief During The Holidays (heartachetohealing.com)