Today’s blog comes from grief coach and author, Tabitha Jayne.
There exist many legacies in our world that stand testament to the love we have for those who die. The most famous is probably the Taj Mahal, build by an Indian Emperor as a tribute to his dead wife.
We also have the AIDS blanket with a square as tribute to every person who has died from the disease. We have songs like Eric Clapton’s Stairway to Heaven as tribute to his son. We have films like Speed Grieving by Alysia Reiner as tribute to her father.
Within my book Thriving Loss: Move beyond grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose many of the women who I interview created their own lasting legacies as tributes to their loved ones.
Some wrote books. Some took action on their dreams. Some created businesses. Some raised money for charity. One even set up a charity. Not only did creating these legacies help them to move through their grief but they also created another way in which their loved one continues to live on.
We all know our lives are better and richer for having our loved one in them. Creating a lasting legacy allows us to extend this into the world so that the world can then become a better place because our loved one lived. It also, as Sogyal Rinpoche says in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, can give our loved one’s death greater meaning and encourage us to live lives of greater depth and purpose.
But how do you go about creating a lasting legacy when you are still caught up in grief? The following strategies form the basis of the Tree of Transformation© and offer a way for you to let go of grief and transform your loss into a lasting legacy.
- Create supportive structures that allow your grief to flow. These are the basics. Do you have friends and family around you that support you? Are you eating, sleeping and exercising healthily? Do you have a clutter-free home? Are you slowing down and allowing yourself space to grieve or are you keeping busy to avoid the emotion?
- Experience the flow of grief. Are you pushing the emotions away when they arise or are you letting yourself experience them as and when they come? Are you acknowledging how you feel? Are you aware of the triggers that affect your grief?
- Know who you want to be after loss. What values are important to you? How can you live more in line with these? What are you now passionate about? How can you bring more of this passion into your life? What are you holding onto that you no longer need?
- Reconnect with your loved one. Our relationship with our loved one does not end just because they die. What new ways can you keep your relationship with your loved one alive? What rituals can you create that help you move forward in life with them as part of it?
- Understand the gifts and growth of loss. In what ways have you positively grown since their death? How has this affected your life and the life of others? What opportunities have arisen for you since their death? In what ways can you be grateful that they lived?
Tabitha Jayne is a leading expert in the field of grief & growth coaching and the author of Thriving Loss: Move beyond grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose. She is also the creator of the Tree of Transformation©, a five step process that helps individuals fully let go of grief and transform loss into a lasting legacy that positively impacts both themselves and the world. Download the free audio of the Introduction and Chapter One to Thriving Loss at www.tabithajayne.com or buy the book at www.thrivingloss.com
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