When a person is born, we rejoice, and when they’re married, we jubilate, but when they die, we pretend nothing happened.  – Margaret Mead

Today as we live in the twenty first century, our culture promotes a sort of death denial or death avoidance.

• We do not like to talk about or think about death, simply because we fear it.
• We don’t want to admit death will happen and that it is real.
• We like to keep death at a distance.

Today we are unfortunately not as publically and privately enlightened about death as our ancestors from years ago.  This leaves those grieving alone since people have not learned how to talk about death and how to support the grieving.  Due to our lack of understanding and fear, the bereaved often do not receive the support they need.

This practice needs to be changed and it can start with you.  Let others know that it is okay to talk about the person who died.  Tell them you welcome the stories and memories, as well as the emotions it may evoke in you – good or bad.  Forgive others when they may not say anything because they don’t mean to be hurtful.  You can simply say, “Even when I get upset or sad, I like when you talk about Roger.  It lets me know that you care about me and that you are thinking about him.”  Or more simply, you can state,“It would help me if we could talk about Roger’s death.”

Let’s others know that you need their support. What simple sentence can you commit to memory to express this?  

Related articles

• Why Do We Experience Grief? (archive.aweber.com)
• Understanding and Managing Grief, February 26 – March 3, 2012 (griefhealingblog.com)
• Death is Not a Dirty Word (newenglandpethospice.blogspot.com)
• Preparing for Grief (everydayhealth.com)

Here is your Healing Thought of the Day…You are Safe.  You will learn new ways to connect with your loved one and their spirit.

Try imagining this healing thought…

Be still and you can feel your loved one’s loving presence around you…you can feel the love and care of your spirit guides and angels.  They are here for you now and they will always be here for you.  Just believe that you have this special bond and it will happen.

Know that you are safe and loved from above.

Everything will be okay.

And has always been okay.

You are safe.

In the Arm’s of an Angel, May You Find Some Comfort Here – Sarah McLachlan

Today’s blog comes from grief coach and author, Tabitha Jayne.

There exist many legacies in our world that stand testament to the love we have for those who die.  The most famous is probably the Taj Mahal, build by an Indian Emperor as a tribute to his dead wife.

We also have the AIDS blanket with a square as tribute to every person who has died from the disease.  We have songs like Eric Clapton’s Stairway to Heaven as tribute to his son.  We have films like Speed Grieving by Alysia Reiner as tribute to her father.

Within my book Thriving Loss: Move beyond grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose many of the women who I interview created their own lasting legacies as tributes to their loved ones.

Some wrote books.  Some took action on their dreams.  Some created businesses.  Some raised money for charity.  One even set up a charity.  Not only did creating these legacies help them to move through their grief but they also created another way in which their loved one continues to live on.

We all know our lives are better and richer for having our loved one in them.  Creating a lasting legacy allows us to extend this into the world so that the world can then become a better place because our loved one lived.  It also, as Sogyal Rinpoche says in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, can give our loved one’s death greater meaning and encourage us to live lives of greater depth and purpose.

But how do you go about creating a lasting legacy when you are still caught up in grief?  The following strategies form the basis of the Tree of Transformation© and offer a way for you to let go of grief and transform your loss into a lasting legacy.

1. Create supportive structures that allow your grief to flow.  These are the basics.  Do you have friends and family around you that support you?  Are you eating, sleeping and exercising healthily?  Do you have a clutter-free home?  Are you slowing down and allowing yourself space to grieve or are you keeping busy to avoid the emotion?
2. Experience the flow of grief.  Are you pushing the emotions away when they arise or are you letting yourself experience them as and when they come?  Are you acknowledging how you feel?  Are you aware of the triggers that affect your grief?
3. Know who you want to be after loss.  What values are important to you?  How can you live more in line with these?  What are you now passionate about?  How can you bring more of this passion into your life?  What are you holding onto that you no longer need?
4. Reconnect with your loved one.  Our relationship with our loved one does not end just because they die.  What new ways can you keep your relationship with your loved one alive?  What rituals can you create that help you move forward in life with them as part of it?
5. Understand the gifts and growth of loss.  In what ways have you positively grown since their death?  How has this affected your life and the life of others?  What opportunities have arisen for you since their death?  In what ways can you be grateful that they lived?

Bio:

Tabitha Jayne is a leading expert in the field of grief & growth coaching and the author of Thriving Loss: Move beyond grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose.  She is also the creator of the Tree of Transformation©, a five step process that helps individuals fully let go of grief and transform loss into a lasting legacy that positively impacts both themselves and the world. Download the free audio of the Introduction and Chapter One to Thriving Loss at www.tabithajayne.com or buy the book at www.thrivingloss.com

It’s the beginning of a new year, and many make new year’s goals and resolutions, but when you are in the midst of grief this may not seem possible.

Can you envision your life after grief?  If even for a moment, try to let your grief go…and perhaps get a glimpse of what life still holds for you.  Imagine answers to these questions…

• Can you envision life after grief?
• What will it look like?
• Where will you live?
• Who will be your friends?
• How will you fill your time?
• How would your loved one want you to live?  Happy, fulfilled, enjoying each moment?
• What is your loved one telling you?

Now write down what you felt.  If you’ve gotten a glimpse of what you life can be like, hold onto this thought, and remember you will journey out of grief into a new found appreciation of life.

• How will I ever move on? Grief Questions Answered…. (withsympathygifts.com)
• Blissful reprieve (canverses.wordpress.com)

When you have lost someone, you can be in a very fragile state, not always not what to do with friends and family giving you so many suggestions on how to make things better.  This can become overwhelming, so I suggest thinking about what is right for you by listening to your inner self.  Consider this poem, a must-know when grieving:

“”There Is A Voice Inside Of You,

That Whispers All Day Long.
I Feel That This Is Right For Me,
I Know That This Is Wrong.
No Teacher, Preacher, Parent, Friend
Or Wise Man Can Decide,
What’s Right For You- Just Listen To
The Voice That Speaks Inside.” ♥

~Shel Silverstein~

Related articles

• Healing Technique: Intuition Search (bodyawaregrieving.com)
• Stepping Out of the “Should” Trap by Jo Holsten (theboldcorsicanflame.wordpress.com)
• Say, say, say what you want… (deehorley.wordpress.com)
• Anything Can Be! (libbyslifeandtimes.wordpress.com)

Today marks the 15^th anniversary of my mother’s death.  When I turned on my computer today, I received information about the Archangel Azrael.  It seemed very fitting for me today, so I hope the information below may help you on your grief journey.  The information is from  ‘You may not believe in Angels but they believe in You’, and discusses discovering spirituality when grieving.

Archangel Azrael is the keeper of souls. 

• He bathes, heals and nourishes departed ones
• He sings over them
• He comforts them

Once the soul is renewed and refreshed, then it returns to the Universal Planes to undertake the rest of its journey. Each step, a step closer to Ascension.  At the point of Ascension the entire soul merges with the Light.  The soul is now able to serve on a much greater scale for the whole of humanity.

Archangel Azrael is also the overseer of those souls who are still on the earthly planes and are grieving ….

He takes them in his wings of love and softly and gently strokes away loss and pain

•  Your tears are Angel medicine
•  Tears heal your soul

Know that your loved ones are still beside you, on the inner planes, and that their love for you is their eternal bond and promise

Help your departed ones to be free and happy on their new path …… they will never leave your side.  In releasing your departed ones, you can heal your own soul …

• Your ‘unconditional love’ is recognized by God and source ….
• Many new blessings will be bestowed upon you.

Archangel Azrael Keeper of Souls

Related articles

• Archangel Azriel: The Illusion of Death and Dying (aquariuschannelings.com)
• Notice that you are making progress on your grief journey (withsympathygifts.com)
• After Death Communication, Continued (griefhealingblog.com)

Prescription:  Patience, 100 mg.  A daily dose of patience (100 mg) each morning will fortify you to be patient with yourself, giving yourself time to grieve. Don’t be in a rush. Wallow in your grief. Feel every emotion. “Name it and claim it,” as TV’s Dr. Phil advises. You need to have patience while grieving.

Listen to your heart. Do what helps, not what others think you should do. Feel the burdens of anger, guilt, loneliness, sadness and confusion slip away as you deal openly with each emotion. Go slowly.

Discover what you can do, and do it with all your heart.

Each day, I did what I could, which was only a fraction of what I had accomplished before. I just didn’t have the energy to deal with everything. I had to learn to pick and choose what would make up my day, doing only those things that would give me a lift. Whenever I got overtired, I was a puddle of tears, so I had to learn my limits. Patiently, I had to “reinvent” myself as I created my “new normal,” the new me doing the new things that brought some joy back into my life.

By Elaine Stillwell Grief Digest Magazine – December 7, 2012

• Decide how others can and can’t help you during grief – your bill of rights! (withsympathygifts.com)
• Allow The Healing To Begin (thelightbeyond.typepad.com)
• Grief Support from Chelsea – You will make it through… (withsympathygifts.com)
• Voices of Experience: What I’ve Learned from Grief (griefhealingblog.com)

At the holidays, we like to reflect on our blessings with our family being most important.
I often wonder, what about the people who lost someone this year or in past years?  I know that the holidays can be hard for the bereaved.  In turn, I like to show my support by giving a remembrance gift at Christmas.

Merry Christmas from Heaven

Giving a simple memorial ornament, a book of encouragement, or donation is a small gesture, BUT it can make such a difference.  The recipient will appreciate your care and concern.  Most importantly, the recipient will be moved that you remembered his or her loved one.  Because many others will be afraid to give such a gift, your remembrance becomes more important and is probably one of the best gifts you can give.

As an example, I like is send a copy of Merry Christmas from Heaven Above, a simple remembrance book,  to people who has lost a family member in the last year.  I also like to remember my four-legged family members (Emma, Fiver, and Owen) by making a donation to a local animal shelter.  It makes me feel good to remember, just as your gift can make someone else feel better.

So, yes remembrance gifts are appropriate at Christmas.  In fact, this can be one of the most important times of the year to show your support to someone you care about.

Who do you want to remember this Christmas?  

• A Poem For My Father – In Remembrance(ellenolinger.wordpress.com)
• A Remembrance Gift Can Be the Perfect Gesture (withsympathygifts.com)
• Remember Lost Loved Ones with Memorial Keepsakes (withsympathygifts.com)

As we move into the holiday season, remember that your friends and family members that have lost a loved one may be experiencing deep feelings of loss during the holidays. Be sure to take the time to connect and let them know that they are loved.

Here are a few ways to provide grief support during the holidays:

• Invite your loved one to join you for your holiday gathering. As family members pass away, traditions change and a loved one may not be able to spend the holidays with their family. Including them in your family festivities will help ease the loneliness they may be feeling this time of year.
• Make a special date to go to dinner, have coffee, or to go shopping to have some private one-on-one time. This special time will allow them the opportunity to talk about their feelings.
• Help them with holiday arrangements. If they are hosting a holiday gathering, offer to help them prepare the food or offer to go shopping for them to take a little stress off of their shoulders. Ask if they would like you to prepare a favorite food that may have been a family tradition.
• Take them out for a special day of pampering to a spa or to have a massage. Relaxation and pampering will assist both of you with the stress of the holidays.
• Celebrate the memories of their loved one by sharing stories and going through photo albums together. This activity will give your friend or family member the opportunity to celebrate their happy memories.

“When a man takes an oath… he’s holding his own self in his own hands.” ~ Robert Bolt 

After losing someone close, do you believe a full and joyful life may be possible for you again? Perhaps your grief is too fresh and the pain is too strong  for such a belief to be more than a fleeting thought.  When I first lost my mother, I never dreamed this was possible.

It is possible though; you will find joy again – if you make the commitment to seek it out in the small moments of the day. Those small moments will be as seeds in the garden, and soon they will multiply in number. Life’s garden will once again be bountiful.  Have trust…there will come a day when you wake up, and your loss won’t be the first thing on your mind…you will look to the day for the treasure it is.

Go ahead. Why not make the promise to yourself that life can be full again?  After all, your loved one would want only the best for you…to live your life fully, deeply and, joyously.

• One Joy Scatters a Hundred Griefs (bodyawaregrieving.com)
• Coping With Grief: How to Handle Your Emotions (everydayhealth.com)
• Virtual Book Tour – Interview with Chelsea Hanson, Author of the Sympathy Matters Collection (ididnotknowwhattosay.wordpress.com)