Give a set of tea light candles to other family member and invite them to join you in a day of remembrance, whether Christmas, a birthday, or anniversary of loss.

Include a special poem or a few carefully chosen words that can be said, when the candles are lit. Knowing others are paying tribute to your loved one at the same time as you can bring solace.

Time cannot steal the treasure that we carry in our hearts,

nor ever dim the shining thought our cherished past imparts,

 for memories of the one we love still cast a gentle glow

to grace our days and light our paths wherever we may go.

However painful it is to bid farewell to one who has died,                                                                                                             once you have done so, you begin a new relationship with them,                                                                                               one you can always cherish.

Once your release them from earthly time, you can embrace them in eternity.

When you release them from the physical dimension,                                                                                                                        you can hold them close in a dimension no less real:  the spiritual one.

For, even though they no longer walk beside you, they will be even closer.

They will be within you.

And you will not forget them, because you cannot forget them.                                                                                                    They will be as near to you as your own breathing,

And as much a part of you as you own dreaming.                                                                                                                                    They will exist in you as love.

James E. Miller – Seasons of Grief and Healing, A Guide for those who Mourn

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Do you have faith? How has your faith changed since the passing of your loved one? Such a monumental life occurrence is bound to have some type of impact on our deep-rooted beliefs. For some, tragedy leads to doubt or a re-evaluation of their faith, while others feel stronger in their faith in the aftermath of death. Rather than blaming God for what happened or using your loss as an excuse to write off faith, allow your faith to help you through this hard time.

Faith Defined

Faith
-noun: A belief that is not based on proof.

Faith takes different forms for everyone. For some, faith has a religious meaning, whereby their faith is a belief in a higher power. For others faith takes the form of trust or confidence in someone. Whatever form your faith takes, the common denominator is that you have no proof to back this trust or belief. But something inside you leads you to believe it so.

How Has Faith Changed in the Wake of Loss?

Loss has a way of making us re-evaluate our faith, especially for those of us who have faith in God or some higher power. You may find yourself thinking, ‘Why would God do this to me, to our family?’ If you find your faith is shaken in the wake of death, ask yourself, what does your loss have to do with this belief you previously held so close? A belief so strong that you didn’t even need proof to know that it was true.

At a time when you feel so alone in the world, why not take the opportunity to strengthen your faith? Your faith should be an extension of your support group. It’s there for you during your darkest hour, to lift you up and help you feel whole again. If you’re feeling lost in your faith in the aftermath of death, it couldn’t hurt to reach out to someone to help you see the light.

Related articles

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Instead of the concept of closure, it may be more helpful to think about integrating the loss into your life. Although your loved one died, your relationship lives on, and you will learn how to cope in your new world.

Gradually you will adjust and function again. You will learn new ways to live with loss, communicate with the departed and share memories.

Related articles

• How do I Make Sense of This? (withsympathygifts.com)
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I sometimes still think I hear his voice

in the words I hear myself say.

I think I see him in the crowd,

but I can’t get to him before he fades away.

 

I’m still not convinced this is all real.

I’m hanging on to the chance that it’s not.

It’s not the reality I want,

but painfully it’s the only one I’ve got.

 

Do you know how it is when your world,

your reality, and everything go?

The colors, they fade,

and time moves too fast or too slow.

 

When you realize there’s only so little you can sleep,

you wish it’d been a nightmare and hope for a dream

and you see that the medicine cabinet’s only so deep.

 

But this is one thing that is just exactly as it seems,

the hot-lava tears that run down your face

and the sad songs that seem to repeat,

when you’re lying in your bed with the curtains drawn

still feeling so unbelievably beat.

 

I still think it’s him

when I go to answer the phone,

when I drive in the car

and I don’t feel like I’m alone.

 

I wake up in the morning,

lay my head down at night

and think there’ll never be a point

when things go back to feeling just right.

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Have you ever thought about your feelings toward death and dying? When you think about losing your loved one you probably feel sad, angry, bitter, hurt. When you think about yourself dying you probably feel scared, alone or disappointed. These feelings are very common among individuals in our society. Since death is perceived so negatively, our instincts tell us to avoid talking about it. Maybe by not talking about it we won’t have to face it? Or it could be that talking about death only makes it more real.

The truth is, death can be a lonely journey if we are forced to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves. Whether you or you’re loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or you’ve recently lost your loved one, it’s so important to have someone to talk about as you work your way through grief.

Dying Matters

That’s where Dying Matters comes in. Dying Matters is an organization that helps people to have important conversations about death before it’s too late. Due to a lack of communication about death, many people have last wishes that go unfulfilled. According to Dying Matters, 81% of people have not written down any preferences about their death. That’s why it’s not surprising to learn that 63% of people would prefer to die at home, yet 53% of deaths happen in the hospital.

Dying Matters offers organizations, like community groups, health care facilities and even private groups or individuals, support and assistance in changing peoples’ attitudes toward death. Even though it may be difficult at first, talking about death and dying ensures that your loved one, and even you when the time comes, will have the kind of life transition that makes them comfortable.

The Sailing Ship 

What is dying?
I am standing on the seashore.
A ship sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades from the horizon,
And someone at my side says, “She is gone!” Gone where?
Gone from my sight, that is all;
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her,
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her;
And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “She is gone”,
There are others who are watching her coming,
And other voices take up a glad shout,
“There she comes” – and that is dying

- Bishop Charles Henry Brent (1862-1929)

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You have changed. Your beliefs and faith have been tested.

You may need to determine if those same beliefs serve you now. You may be angry with your faith. You may be grappling with changing values.

In what ways has your personal belief system been challenged by grief?

To make sense of your loss, what enduring values, beliefs or practices have given you grounding in this tremendous turmoil? Is it your family, a spiritual belief or certain surroundings?

What has helped you cope?

Identify what has given you strength and continue to hold onto that. Your grief experience will continue to change you. You will begin to renew and learn what is now important to you.

Wishing you guidance in grief,

Chelsea

‎Grief is love not wanting to let go.

~ Earl A. Grollman

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Have you ever felt your departed loved one’s presence, but weren’t quite sure what it was or how to explain it? Maybe you noticed something or felt something special, but weren’t quite sure what it was. I’m not talking about ghosts or the supernatural, what I’m talking about is much more natural. After you lose someone close to you to death, you can take comfort in the little signals they send to you to let you know they’re in your presence. All it takes to recognize your loved one’s presence is a little awareness and faith.

Angels Watching Out For You

Have you ever narrowly avoided an accident and felt there was more than just luck at play? Or have you ever dug your way out of a serious problem or situation that you once thought impossible? Your loved one is watching out for you even when you don’t realize it.

Feel Their Presence in Nature

The next time you find yourself thinking about your departed loved one and a butterfly goes fluttering past you, that is your departed loved one saying hello to you. If you remember to pay attention, your loved one will present himself or herself to you in nature. Be aware of your surroundings and watch for signs like a rainbow, a well-timed storm or a close encounter with wildlife.

Facilitate Closeness

There are things you can do to facilitate these encounters with your loved one. Go to their favorite spot, their bedroom, or a place where you have strong memories with him or her. Try talking to your loved one and see if they answer in some way, shape or form. They might not always answer, and they might answer when you least expect it. But if you pay close attention, you will feel your loved one’s presence again.

When you experience a coincidence that is too strong to ignore, or feel a shift in the wind at the moment you start thinking of your loved one, take comfort knowing that is your loved one checking in. Learn to recognize these signs and embrace them as a way of connecting with your departed loved one again.

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Losing someone close to you is a tragedy that we all must experience throughout life. As devastating as it may be, we must try to find the good that comes from death. For many people, death is a wake-up call, telling them that it’s time to start living life differently – better. Take this time to look closely at your life and find ways to make it more meaningful.

Set Aside More Time for Family

Chances are, if you took 5 minutes to write down 10 of the most important people in your life, that list would mostly be comprised of family members and possibly a few close friends. Why then wouldn’t you want to spend as much time as possible with them? Usually it’s not that we don’t want to spend time with them, it’s that we’re busy filling our time with other things. As you work through your grief, you will become more aware of how you spend your time and who you spend it with. Make your family your priority, and spend as much time with them as possible while you still can.

Do What You Want

As Tom Cunningham once said, “This is not a dress rehearsal. This is it.” You only have one life to live. There’s no do-overs or second chances. After you lose someone close to you to death, you might start thinking about your purpose in life. Are you pursuing your vocation? Have you figured out what your vocation is? We spend so much time on our careers, it doesn’t make sense to pursue something that doesn’t fulfill you and make use of your special talents.

Cherish Each Moment of Every Day

Losing someone close to you makes you realize how precious life is. Every day is a gift to be cherished with gratitude and fulfillment. Sure there are days when we think, ‘how can I cherish this dreary day? There’s nothing good that can come of it.’ But remember, that day is a gift just like any other, and it is what you make of it.

We have only this moment,

Sparkling like a star in our hand…

And melting like a snowflake.

Let us use it before it is too late

- Marie Beynon Ray

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Once the dust starts to settle and you get back to your daily routine following the death of your loved one, you might start thinking about what to do with your loved one’s belongings. You’ll start thinking about this when you open your closet and see your late husbands suites hanging in there, or walk past your child’s room and see their bed the way they left it. Eventually you might decide that it’s time to do something with your loved one’s possessions. What you choose to do with them is entirely up to you and your family, but there are a few things to think about to prepare for this momentous project. Here are 3 tips to prepare yourself to go through your departed loved one’s belongings.

1. Do it When You’re Ready

There’s no timeline for going through your loved one’s belongings. It is entirely up to you to decide if or when to do this. Some people like to see their departed loved one’s belongings randomly throughout the day. It also might take you a while to feel like you can physically go through their things without breaking down. If the thought of getting rid of your loved one’s possessions makes you feel sad or guilty, then you’re not ready. Don’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to do.

2. Invite Your Family to Help You

Once you’re ready to go through your loved one’s belongings invite your family to help you with the process. You’ll be surprised how many wonderful memories this activity will stir up and the fun you could have sharing these memories as a family. You may also want to pass on some of your loved one’s belongings to your family members, and this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

3. Do it on a “Good Day”

If you plan on going through your loved one’s belongings this weekend, but Saturday comes and you wake up feeling terrible, don’t force it. Some days are just better than others when you’re grieving, so be sure to go through your departed loved one’s possessions on a day that you are in a good place. You’re going to get emotional at some point during the process no matter what, but if you try to push through despite your somber mood, this activity will be even more difficult.

The most important thing to remember when you plan to go through your loved one’s possessions is to do it if and when you are ready. Additionally, don’t feel like you have to purge your house of all of their belongings. Be sure to pick out the things that matter most to you and keep them as treasured memories of the person you love and miss so deeply.

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