Going through the visitation line at a funeral is overwhelming. Sometimes it’s the first time seeing the family since the death of your loved one. Seeing everyone so distraught is emotionally draining and can leave us feeling stymied when it’s our turn to meet the family in the visitation line. Prepare yourself to come face to face with the family of the departed by thinking about what you’re going to say ahead of time. Here are 5 sentiments to share with the family as you make your way through the visitation line.

1. I’m Sorry for Your Loss

If you can’t think of anything else to say in the visitation line, tell the family that you are sorry for their loss. It lets them know that you recognize their sadness instead of minimizing their grief. Saying things like, “at least he lived a long life,” or “at least you got to spend those final days with her,” is insensitive and shows that you truly don’t understand the magnitude of their loss. Tell the family that you’re sorry for their loss and if that’s all you can muster up the strength to say, give them a hug and leave it at that.

2. Share a Memory

As you make your way through the line, share a story about the departed with the family. Whether it’s a memory that you all share together or one that is unique to you and the departed. Hopefully it will lighten their spirits, even if for just a moment.

3. Share Your Favorite Thing About the Departed

Say something like, “I just loved how your mom always had a smile on her face.” Or, “your sister had a special way of lighting up a room, I sure will miss her.” Pointing out the great qualities of the departed will remind the family of what a great person they had in their lives and keep the memory alive.

4. What They Meant to You

Telling the family just how important the departed was to you will give them a sense of pride: To know that their father was a mentor to you, or their daughter taught you everything you know about cooking. Share your profound experience with the departed with the family to let them know how much you will miss having them in your life.

5. Bring a Photo or Keepsake to Share

If you have a special photo of the departed or something that reminds you of them, bring it to the visitation and share it with the family. It’s a physical reminder of the departed, and can even show the family their loved one at a stage in his or her life that they had never known.

So often people fail to give any thought to what they’re going to say during the visitation and end up unintentionally saying something hurtful or insensitive. Plan ahead and think about what you want to say so the words don’t come out wrong when you come through the visitation line.

No matter what the circumstances, death is sad. It’s hard to say goodbye to someone we love. However, some people would rather their loved ones reflect on the beautiful life they lived during the funeral rather than their death and the fact that they are gone. Turn a funeral into a celebration of your loved one’s life to give people the opportunity to remember the departed for the things they did in life and the wonderful life they lived here on Earth.

Share Stories

The best way to celebrate your loved one’s life during the funeral is to share stories; stories about their achievements, significant events, and even random stories about your loved one’s everyday life. During the service, you can allow anyone to come up and share a story or you can ask people to submit stories to the eulogist to share. The stories will help people to laugh and remember the departed the way they would want to be remembered.

Play a Video Montage

If you have access to video footage of your loved one, you could compile a video montage to play during the funeral in lieu of a traditional eulogy or to play quietly during the visitation. The video will give friends and family a chance to see the departed doing the things he or she loved during life.

Set up a Memorial Website

You don’t have to be tech savvy to set up a memorial website. Many funeral homes now offer memorial websites as a service offering. The website allows friends and family to easily share their personal stories about your loved one. Collect these stories in a book and share the book with the funeral attendees to reminisce about more precious moments from your loved one’s life at the funeral.

Serve Celebration Cake

What says ‘Celebration’ better than a cake? We celebrate birthdays with cake, so why not celebrate the life your loved one with cake too? Pick up a sheet cake from your local baker that is decorated to show your love for the departed and the beautiful life they lived.

A celebration of life doesn’t mean there won’t be tears. People are still grieving the loss of someone they cared about deeply, but a celebration of life shifts the focus away from the loss and into the direction of a life lived to the fullest. Why not use this opportunity to reflect on the gift of life and the wonderful person you all came to know and love?

Children have a tendency to feel “forgotten” and slightly neglected in the wake of a loved one’s death. Suddenly the attention has shifted from them to the departed. As a parent, it’s not something you should feel guilty about, it’s just something that tends to happen as a natural reaction to your loss. One way to bring the focus back to the children and your loved one is to include your children in the funeral if that’s something they feel comfortable with. It helps the children feel a sense of connection with the rest of the family and gives them a chance to show their respect for the departed. Here are 4 ways to include your children in the funeral service.

1. Readings

If your children feel comfortable reading in front of the congregation, you could assign reading parts to your children. Gospel readings tend to have difficult words throughout, so perhaps better reading options could be the petitions or a short poem or literary piece during the service.

2. Hand Out Programs

If you have programs for the funeral or a memorial piece to give to the attendees, you could put a couple children in charge of handing them out prior to the service. This job is perfect for younger children. The young children will likely put a much needed smile on the faces of the funeral attendees, and the task will give your children something to do while you are busy visiting with family and friends prior to the funeral.

3. Contribute to the Memorial Table

If you’re featuring a memorial table at the visitation or funeral, ask children to bring their own items to contribute to the table. If the children are feeling anxious or unsure about the funeral this gives them a sense of purpose. Making the contribution will make them feel important and give them a sense of connection with the rest of the family.

4. Alter Servers

If the funeral is taking place during a religious service, there could be a need for alter servers. If any children have experience serving, more than likely they would be happy to serve during the funeral.

Another benefit of giving your children a role to fill during the funeral is that it keeps them busy on a day that might otherwise be challenging for them to get through. However, it’s important that the children feel comfortable taking on a role. Be understanding and sensitive to their feelings when assigning roles to children during the funeral of your loved one.

The eulogy is an important part of the funeral so deciding on who delivers it is critical. What do you do when more than one person expresses interest in delivering the eulogy? How about when nobody comes forward? Although there’s no right or wrong choice when it comes to picking the person to deliver the eulogy, sometimes there are factors that interfere and make the decision more difficult. Here are 4 tips for deciding who should deliver your loved one’s eulogy.

1. It’s a Family Decision

The family member closest to the deceased should have the final say as to who delivers the eulogy at the funeral. That means his or her spouse if your loved one was married. Otherwise a parent, sibling, or son or daughter should be the one to make this decision. The person closest to the departed knows him or her best, but chances are they will not be up for delivering the eulogy themselves. Therefore, it’s up to them to make the decision based on what they think their loved one would want.

2. Deliberate

It’s never easy to choose when more than one person expresses interest in delivering the eulogy. It’s important that everyone takes this into consideration so that there are no hard feelings when the decision is made. Every relationship is different so making the decision based on who had the “best relationship” with the departed isn’t always easy.

3. Make it a Joint Effort

There’s no rule against having two people deliver the eulogy. If two people express interest in delivering the eulogy, work it out so that they both have an opportunity to speak. In some cases it makes sense for the two to team up and deliver the eulogy together, while in other instances it might be better two have two shorter eulogies.

4. Seek Volunteers

If nobody comes forward and volunteers to deliver the eulogy on their own, it might be necessary to recruit a volunteer. When thinking about who to ask, take into account the person’s relationship with your loved one as well as their general comfort level speaking in front of people. It could be that your loved one’s closest friend isn’t coming forward because they’re terrified to speak or they just don’t think they can keep it together for the eulogy.

More often than not, choosing the person to deliver the eulogy is a decision that happens naturally; whether your loved one had expressed his or her desire for a particular person to deliver the eulogy before they passed on, or if there is just one person that stands out as the best person for the job. However, in the event that the answer is not so clear cut, follow these steps to help make the decision easier.

Is there any better way to express yourself than through song? Music is such a beautiful way to share your thoughts and convey your emotion. Song lyrics can help put our thoughts into words when we can’t find the words ourselves. A melody can enhance that message to convey our true emotions. When planning a funeral for your loved one, it’s important to put some thought into your musical selections. You want the music to serve as a reflection of your loved one’s life as well as everyone’s feelings towards the departed. Here are 3 tips to guide you in your musical selection for your loved one’s funeral.

1. Follow Ceremony Guidelines

If the funeral is going to be incorporated into a religious ceremony, it’s a good idea to check with a clergy member to see if there are any guidelines that you have to adhere to. For example, some Churches might have rules against playing secular music during the service. A clergy member might also be able to provide you with resources and suggestions to help you choose appropriate and meaningful liturgical music for the funeral.

2. Meaningful Musicians

Is there anyone in your family or within your loved one’s circle of friends who can play a musical instrument or sing? Having someone with a personal relationship with the deceased provide the music is a wonderful way to add a personal touch to the music during the funeral. Of course, you want to make sure the musician feels up to it. The day of the funeral will be a very emotional day for everyone, and you don’t want to push the person to do something they don’t feel comfortable with.

If you do have a family member or friend willing to provide music during the funeral, find out if they have a special song that they really feel strongly about and take their advice on what they think they will be able to execute.

3. What Would Your Loved One Like?

Once you have researched the musical guidelines and have established who will be singing or playing the music during the funeral, it’s time to start thinking about what your loved one would like. If they had a favorite song or artist that is appropriate to play during the visitation or during or after the service, try to find a way to work it in. Perhaps your loved one even shared with you their wishes for funeral music before they passed away. If so, do your best to honor those wishes. If you don’t think their favorite song will fit into the service, try to find one that will remind people of your loved one.

There’s a lot to think about when planning a funeral, but don’t overlook the musical selection. The music played throughout the day will set the tone for the day so be sure to put some time and thought into making your choices.

When we lose someone close to us, we want to hold onto everything that reminds us of our loved one. The funeral is our last ‘good-bye’ and a day that can be hard to let go of. At the end of the day we find we have collected a wide array of keepsakes to commemorate the day. These keepsakes are important to us and we want to do whatever we can to preserve them. Here are 4 tips for preserving the special keepsakes from our loved one’s funeral.

1. Preserve Flowers

Flowers are the hardest thing to preserve, but it’s hard to part with something so beautiful that reminds us of the day we said good-bye to our beloved. Once your flowers have run their course, you could preserve them by drying them or pressing them. ProFlowers gives a really great instructions on how to dry your flowers.

2. Make a Scrapbook

If you’re trying to think of a safe place to keep the funeral program, letters from your friends and family, and pictures from the picture boards you put together, why not organize all of your keepsakes into a scrapbook? A scrapbook is a wonderful way to preserve the various programs, pictures and memorial items from the funeral. You can even press some of the funeral flowers and keep them tucked away in the scrapbook.

3. Keep it Safe in a Memorial Box

Some keepsakes don’t lend themselves well to a flat scrapbook. A memorial box can serve as a safe home for larger three-dimensional objects from the funeral.

4. Frame the Pictures

You worked so hard to put together your picture boards for the funeral service, when all is said and done the last thing you want to do is put the pictures back in their albums and tuck them away on the shelf. Keep these treasured pictures on display in your home but transfer them from the picture boards to frames and hang them on a wall dedicated to your loved one. You could even buy a collage frame so that all of the pictures of your loved one can stay grouped together as they were on the picture boards.

It’s important to find a good way to preserve keepsakes from the funeral as soon as you can. If you wait too long you run the risk of losing something very important to you.

When faced with the task of writing a eulogy, it’s hard to know where to start. There’s so much to think about and you want to make sure that it does justice to the type of person your loved one was. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by this task, it can help to break it up into smaller parts. Follow these 5 steps to help guide you through the process of writing a meaningful, heartfelt eulogy.

1. Decide on a Theme

When organizing your thoughts, be on the lookout for a theme that you could use to weave throughout your eulogy. Reflect back on your loved one’s life, the things they did, the places they went, and think about possible metaphors that could be used to describe your loved one. Having a theme to keep coming back to helps to keep the eulogy on message and gives your message a deeper meaning.

2. Take Time to Introduce Yourself

One of the first things you should do is to introduce yourself to the members of the service. Let everyone know who you are and talk a little bit about your history with your loved one. If you are delivering the eulogy it means that you were a very significant part of your loved one’s life.

3. Share a Story

Once you’ve taken the time to explain who you are and your history, share a positive story about your loved one. It should be a memory that people will relate to. Even if it’s not one that everyone was a part of, people should hear that story and think, ‘that sounds like something ‘Anne’ would do.

4. Talk About Their Character

What one word do most people use to describe your loved one? Some people are defined by their family. If your loved one was a wonderful father, incorporate that into your eulogy and address his children or his wife. If your loved one was devoted to his career, make it a point to talk about her professional achievements.

5. Tie it All Together

When you’ve said all you need to say, find a way to tie everything all together. Try to find a quote, song lyric, or religious verse that relates to the theme you chose.

If you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy, take it as an honor to be able to share a few words on behalf of the one you loved and lost. I know it will be overwhelming at first, but follow this guide to help alleviate the anxiety and facilitate the process. If you get stuck, turn to someone you trust to help you along the way.

Public speaking is tough. Add to that a tragedy, deep loss, and high emotions, and now you’re talking about a whole different animal all together. “Tough” doesn’t even begin to describe the task of giving a eulogy. But if you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy, take comfort knowing that you’re doing something honorable for the one you loved and lost. The eulogy should be meaningful and from the heart, but there are a few restrictions you’re going to want to make. Here are 3 things you shouldn’t say during a eulogy.

Justify the Loss

Even if your loved one was suffering toward the end of his or her life, you never want to minimize the loss by saying something like “At least Tom is in a better place” or “At least Jennifer lived a good, long life.” Everyone will have their own individual thoughts and feelings about the death. Some won’t agree with your justification, and minimizing the loss is bound to upset people during the service.

Inappropriate Humor

Cracking a joke during your eulogy is a great way to lighten the mood even if just for a moment. However, tread lightly if you decide to incorporate humor into your eulogy. A poorly executed joke will be very uncomfortable for both you and the rest of the attendees. Stay away from inside jokes and jokes that would be considered inappropriate for the circumstances or just in bad taste. This can be tough to determine, but use your discretion and seek the approval of someone else before you inject a joke into your eulogy.

Inappropriate Stories

Stories are a great way to commemorate your loved one during the eulogy, as long as you keep sensitivity paramount. A eulogy is not the time or place to tell a story about a crazy night out you had together during college or a time when your loved one did something he or she might not be proud of. While it may be funny or entertaining to you, some people will find it offensive or simply bad taste.

As long as you remember the fact that you’re job in writing the eulogy is to honor your loved one and remind people of the wonderful person you all had the privilege of knowing, your eulogy will be great. And remember, there’s no shame in asking for help. If you’re uncertain about a portion of your eulogy, reach out to someone close to you who will offer their insights and give you constructive criticism.

After your loved one is laid to rest, it can be very hard to go on with your everyday life. The world keeps moving forward but things just aren’t the same. The recency of your loved one’s death is your biggest hurdle. Although you can’t speed up time or move forward faster, there are 4 tips to help you after the funeral.

1. Get out of the House

One of the best ways to deal with the recent loss of your loved one is to get out of the house and do something. Call up your friends for dinner or go to a movie. Go to the gym and get some exercise. The natural endorphins created from exercise will lift your spirits, even if just for the moment.

2. Have Some Alone Time

Give yourself some alone time to just think. Yes, it’s important to get out of the house and interact with people, but if you never take any time to reflect on your loss, it will sneak up on you at a time when you’re not prepared. Take some time each day to relax and think about what has happened.

3. Let it Out

Everyone handles grief differently, but talking about your feelings and showing your emotion is a very healthy way to deal. Find someone to talk to, whether that’s a family member, friend, or grief counselor, it doesn’t matter, so long as they are willing to listen.

If you want to cry, then cry. If you can’t cry, that’s okay too, you’ll cry when you’re ready. Don’t think you have to be strong for your children or your siblings or a friend. Everyone deserves a chance to show their emotions when they feel the need.

4. Talk to Your Lost Loved One

Are you thinking about your lost loved one a lot today? You’re going to miss your loved one every day, but some days will be more tough than others. Did something funny happen to you today? Maybe you had a particularly long day at work? If you’re used to sharing these daily occurrences with the one you lost, there’s no reason why you still can’t.

The funeral of your lost loved one is what makes your loss final and real. The weeks following the funeral will be challenging, but there are ways to get though. Pay attention to your feelings and give yourself time to grieve.

Getting involved in the funeral service of the one you lost is a wonderful way to show your support, and it’s a proclamation of your love for that person. You should be able to find a role for anyone who is willing to help out with the funeral service. Nobody should feel as if their willingness to contribute is unappreciated. If you are organizing the funeral, keep this list of tasks ready to hand out in the event that friends and family start coming forward and offering their help.  Following are 5 ways to involve family in the funeral service.

1. Music During the Service

The church or funeral home will likely provide music during the funeral, but if there is someone amongst your family or friends who is musically inclined and would like to sing or play an instrument during the service, by all means invite them to do so.

2. Readers

There are several opportunities to read during the funeral service. If there are several people interested in reading, distribute the gospel readings among them. You could also have another person read a beautiful poem at some point during the service.

3. Picture Board Contributors

In order to share cherished memories with friends and family at the funeral you could display picture boards of your loved one. One person could take the lead on creating the picture boards and several others could help out with this project by collecting and sharing pictures from their own personal collection.

4. Greeters

A greeter is a great assignment for younger children or people who don’t feel comfortable getting up in front of people during the funeral to speak or sing. Have the greeters stand at the entrance and hand out programs for the service.

5. Pallbearers

Typically six men fill roles of pallbearer at the funeral. However, don’t be afraid to deviate from tradition if there are women interested in helping with this task.

It’s important to be sensitive with people’s wishes when it comes to involvement in the funeral. Be careful about pressuring people into doing certain tasks. You may think that your loved one’s brother would want to deliver the eulogy, but if he doesn’t feel up to it, move on and find someone else. And of course, you certainly don’t want to turn away help. If someone approaches you offering to help with the funeral, do your best to find a place for them in the service, even if it’s something small.