What in the world can I be grateful for? I am in hell, and want to get out. I am not grateful for anything. My loved one died.

One way to take away your pain, if only for even a moment, is to consider what you have to be grateful for in your life. Your mind cannot hold competing thoughts.

COPYRIGHT 2011, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

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If you are experiencing grief, Christmas can be one of the hardest times of the year.  And Christmas is especially hard if it is your first Christmas without your loved one.   To survive the holiday season, consider these grief support holiday survival tips:

1. Know your limits.  If you are tired or don’t feel like doing something, you can choose not to do it.  The most important thing you need to do is care for yourself right now.  Your friends and family will understand if you choose not to join in some activities.

2. You can say no.  If you are invited to some holiday parties, but may not feel like going, it is okay to say no.  Others may want to see you out and about , as they simply do not like to see you in pain.  If you choose to decline some activities, a reason does not have to be given.

3.  Less is More.  Perhaps, it might be too painful to put up the tree without the person you lost.  Perhaps you don’t want to decorate your home the way you used too.  Maybe you don’t want to send out Christmas cards because the signature will be different.  Keeping things simple may help you feel less overwhelmed.  If you like, you can add some of the activities back in next year or the year after.

• 12 Simple Tips – How to Support a Grieving Friend this Holiday (withsympathygifts.com)
• Holiday Grief Support Resources (ididnotknowwhattosay.wordpress.com)
• Grief Doesn’t Take a Holiday (storybooksforhealing.com)
• Grief during the Holidays (boomergrief.com)

1.  Look at life as a journey and enjoy the ride.  Get the most out of the detours and realize they’re sometimes necessary.

2.  Do your best, but if what you’re doing has caused you discouragement, try a different approach.  Be passionate about the process, but don’t be so attached to the outcome.

3.  Wish the best for everyone, with no personal strings attached.  Applaud someone else’s win as much as you would your own.

4.  Trust that there’s a divine plan, that we don’t always know what’s best for us.  A disappointment now could mean a victory later, so don’t be disappointed.  There is usually a reason.

5.  Ask no more of yourself than the best that you can do, and be satisfied with that.  Be compassionate towards yourself as well as others.  Know your calling, your gift, and do it well.

6.  Don’t worry about something after it’s done; it’s out of your hands then, too late, over!  Learn the lesson and move on.

7.  Have the attitude that no one, except you, owes you anything.  Give without expecting a thank-you in return.  But when someone does something for you, be appreciative of even the smallest gesture.

8.  Choose your thoughts or your thoughts will choose you; they will free you or keep you bound.  Educate your spirit and give it authority over your feelings.

9.  Judge no one, and disappointment and forgiveness won’t be an issue.  No one can let you down if you’re not leaning on them.  People can’t hurt you unless you allow them to.

10.  Love anyway. . . for no reason. . . and give. . . just because. 

Source:  Donna Fargo, a favorite author of mine!

It is beautiful here in Wisconsin, the perfect Fall day with colors of the leaves starting to turn.  I enjoyed my son’s first teacher conference as we admired the beautiful changing landscape.

The changing leaves remind me that as the seasons change, so do our lives. Like the beautiful, natural world around us, we, too, go through our own changes, month-to-month and year-to-year. Change can come with aging, moving, finding love, and losing a loved one.

The colors of the fall leaves are a beautiful testament to the change that is with all of us. Most people resist change. It’s scary, un-tested, and full of unknowns. But, change can bring renewal, refreshment, and untapped energy that we never knew existed…we can grow closer to our authentic self.

Living Today – With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes

This fall season, as we admire the beauty that is around us, take inspiration from the falling leaves and look within to change some of your own colors. You may be pleasantly surprised with your own personal change of season.

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Bereavement Support

There are many items that may provide us comfort…a picture, a wedding ring, a card, a ticket stub..,They remind us of our loved one, important moments or powerful feelings.

When you are grieving, holding a special object in your hands or just looking at it can comfort you.  Take a look around your home, and recognize the objects that are giving you comfort….privately, quietly daily.  Focus on those items and memories to provide you comfort each day.

For More Comfort

• “Never Will I Truly Be Gone” – A Memorial Poem (withsympathygifts.com)

NAME YOUR GRATITUDE & COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

• When you are faced with loss, it can be difficult to feel a sense of gratitude in your life, yet gratitude prepares you for the blessings that are yet to come.
• Many blessings may have already companioned you since your grief journey began. Somehow, and with grace, you have survived. Looking back, you may recognize the many supportive gestures, big and small, you were offered along the way.
• When you fill your life with gratitude, you invoke a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you expect to happen can happen. For example, if you don’t expect anyone to support you in your grief, they often don’t. By contrast, if you anticipate support and nurturance, you will indeed find it.
• Think of all you have to be thankful for. This is not to deny you your overwhelming loss and the need to mourn. However, you are being self-compassionate when you consider the things that make your life worth living, too.
• Reflect on your possibilities for joy and love each day. Honor those possibilities and have gratitude for them. Be grateful for your physical health and your beautiful spirit. Be grateful for your family and friends and the concern of strangers. Above all, be grateful for this very moment. When you are grateful, you prepare the way for inner peace.

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• Grateful Grieving (ashleydavisbush.com)
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3 Wonderful Tips to Support a Grieving Heart:

Image by Rawbert via Flickr

1. Reminisce. Continue to reminisce with your friend about his or her loved one’s life. Sharing fond memories is a wonderful way to provide comfort. Remember, talking about the deceased will not hurt or upset the person grieving. In fact, it is just the opposite, your friend will appreciate that you are talking about their loved one. Please know that it is okay to talk about someone who passed away, and it is helpful to use the deceased’s name in conversations.

2. Be yourself. Speak in a way and behave in a way that is natural for you. Continue the same relationship you had before: close friend, acquaintance, friendly neighbor, or work buddy. Offer help only if you are able to follow through, and in a way that makes sense in your life. Can you drive the carpool? Offer to drop off a meal? Mow the lawn once a week without even knocking on the door? Take the kids on a play date for the afternoon?

3. Learn about and understand grief. To understand what you friend is going through, do your best to learn about grieving. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no timetable on grief. By having an understanding of the process, you will have more compassion and be able to support your friend. Being a friend to the grieving will not always be easy. Your friend has changed and will continue to change as he or she journeys through grief. Your gift of support, however, will always be remembered and cherished by your friend.

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Smile Again, Laugh Again, Breath Again, Love Again…
 

“In losing someone dear to us, it’s important to remember that the relationship itself is not over.  Death cannot take away the love that weaves its way through every fiber of our being.  Love will always triumph over death in this regard.  We want to hold our cherished memories close to our heart, recognizing that our love is an essential part of us.

Source:  Ashley Davis Bush   www.ashleydavisbush.com

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Image via Wikipedia

Although there are stages that are common to the process of grief, they do not occur in a predictable order. Your emotions can be random, sometimes overwhelming, and completely unique.

Your emotions can hit hard, and at unexpected moments, which can make the impact seem even harder to bear.

Being aware of the unpredictable nature of your emotions will help you navigage your way through each new wave.   It won’t feel like it, but know though that you will get through your grief to find the other side.  On the other side, you will find a new appreciation of life.  It took me many years to get to this other side, but I did, and you will too.

“Nobody ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” ~ C.S. Lewis

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Image via Wikipedia

Consider Gratitude as You Journey through Grief

When you are faced with loss, it can be difficult to feel a sense of gratitude in your life, yet gratitude can lift your spirits and open the pathway for good things that are yet to come.

1. Think of all the things in your life for which you are grateful.  You are being caring to yourself when you remember the things that make your life worth living, too.
2. Reflect on your possibilities for joy and love each day. Honor those possibilities and have gratitude for them.  What can I do today to bring more joy into my life?
3. Be grateful for your physical health and your beautiful spirit. Be grateful for your family and friends.  Think about your children, neighbors, good friends and colleagues
4. Above all, be grateful for this very moment. When you feel gratitude, you prepare the way for more healing and peace. You are alive, so live today.

The use of gratitude is not to deny you your overwhelming loss and the need to mourn, but to help you through the grief journey….