November 2nd is National Look for Circles Day. What?!?!

Days dedicated to special things have always intrigued me but this one really stumped me. From what I could find, it doesn’t look like anyone knows who created “National Look for Circles Day” and why. Which is interesting and got me thinking….so often we search and search for things that are right in front of us.

The idea is to look for circles throughout the day.  It reminded me of when I play car bingo or do road trip scavenger hunts with my son.  So often I will be driving and think, “oh we won’t see one of those” and all of a sudden Jake will say “Look mom! There it is!”

When going through life, it is so easy to feel like we are searching and searching for something when in reality the answer lies right in front of us. Circles are everywhere, just like beauty and happiness. If we focus on the negatives, that is all we will see.

Make a plan to look for as many circles as you can today. Notice how many are all around you. Here is a site that has ideas for scavenger hunts and games that you can do with your coworkers or kids. Then I challenge you to make tomorrow your “Look for the positive in everything day.” Turn your challenges into opportunities and instead of feeling like you are spinning in circles, go out and find your positive circles.

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When you lose someone close to you, there’s a tendency to go into survival mode. We do what we can to get through the tragedy, but little more. Meaning, we do our best to feed and bathe ourselves, but nothing else seems important right now. Well today, I want you to seriously think about the last time you laid back and gazed at the clouds, played a game of hide and seek, or watched the sunset. If you can’t remember, it’s time to change that.

…Did Something Fun?

Death is a very serious matter. So serious that it make us not even want to have fun. But if you’re trying not to have fun, chances are you won’t. So today, I dare you to jump out of your serious state and do something fun or silly. If it means acting like a kid again, do it! You might find this mindless, silly activity is just the thing you need to feel better, even if it’s just for a moment. So jump rope with your kids, swing on the swingset or sing in the shower.

…Did Something for Yourself?

Chances are you’ve been so busy caring for others and working through your grief that you haven’t even thought about taking time for yourself. Every day, make an effort to do at least one thing just for you, whether that means spending an hour at the gym, getting a haircut or just taking an hour at the end of the day to enjoy a glass of wine.

…Did Something Spontaneous?

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when we’re grieving. We’re so focused on what we need to do each day that we rarely break from our mundane routines. Watch for opportunities  to do something spontaneous. Pick a random day to play hooky from work and drive to the beach or visit a relative. Ask someone out on a date or pick up a new hobby. Sometimes events in our lives that aren’t planned out are the ones that we end up enjoying the most and get the most out of.

It’s not always easy to pull yourself up when you’re feeling down. But if you make a conscious effort every day to do something different, to give yourself a break from your grief work, you will be thankful you did. This is time that you can forget about the pain and focus on you for a change.

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Losing your loved one is like getting the wind knocked out of you. For a moment in time, you can’t breathe, you’re disoriented, you may even lose feeling. But instead of the physical loss of feeling you experience after a long fall or punch in the stomach, death causes an emotional loss of feeling. Joy, happiness, excitement, even love seem like sensations that you remember from another lifetime, but never actually experience for yourself. But the truth is, love does live on in you after death. As you work through the healing process, you will start to realize that, and you’ll find love again.

Family

There is no bond stronger than family. The love you have for your family is unconditional. Although death has a way of making us forget this momentarily, your family will always be there for you. As long as your family remains in your life, love will live on in you after death.

Friends & Mentors

Sometimes the sheer magnitude of death can actually bring us closer to people that we might not otherwise have given the opportunity. People have a tendency to bond over the pain of loss and find comfort in sharing the common feelings and experiences that death brings. The friends and mentors that stick by your side during this tragic time are the ones that will be with you forever. Your love and appreciation for these special people will live on in you for years to come.

Your Pet

Is there anyone more reliably there for you than your pet? The bond you have with your pet is something so unique. If nothing else in your day is certain, at least you can count on your dog or cat to be there for you when you come home from work. Not only will they be there, but they’ll greet you with excitement, they forgo any potential for judgement and bring you comfort without having to say a single word. That is love.

Life

Eventually you will love life again. You’ll find joy in your work, your hobbies and the little things that happen every day that make life special and unique. It’s hard to imagine at first. Right now you probably resent everyone around you who appears to love life because it seems so unattainable to you. But trust that one day, you will love life again.

Though it may be hard to imagine at first, love does not die with your loved one. Love will live on in you if you let it. How does love live on in you after the death of your loved one?

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When someone dies, we will be acutely aware of what is most important to us and what we want to change. What new promises will you make?

The list can be endless, but pick three things that are most important to you, and try to incorporate these new promises into your life.

What are your new promises?

Chelsea

Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.

~Ruth Ann Schabacker

COPYRIGHT 2011, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

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Death has a way of making us want to shut ourselves out from the world. The raw emotions of grief leave us feeling abandoned and alone. Since we feel alone, it’s easy to get wrapped up in self-fulfilling prophecies, and live out these feelings of abandonment. Although you can’t bring your loved one back and no one could ever replace them, it’s important to keep your heart open and be willing to accept new blessings in your life, whatever size or shape they might take.

Don’t be Afraid to Say Yes

Keeping your heart open will mean different things to different people, depending on the type of loss they’re suffering. For example, for someone who has lost their spouse, keeping your heart open might mean saying yes to a date when you’re ready to move on. Although feelings of guilt will inevitably urge you to say no, if you have an open heart and are willing to take a chance, you will say yes and hopefully something good will come of it.

Watch for New Blessings

They say life happens when you’re busy making other plans. Grief has a way of blinding us to the blessings around us. We’re so focused on working through our grief that we fail to notice when something wonderful presents itself. Pay attention and be on the lookout for good things to come.

Consciously Choose Hope

The blessings don’t always find you. Sometimes you have to actively seek them out. Make choices that are more likely to bring you hope and put you in position to be happy again. For example, instead of dreading the anniversary of your loved one’s death, make it a point to celebrate their life each year on that day. Or choose to involve yourself in uplifting activities where you are likely to be around people that inspire and support you.

Keeping your heart open is something that takes time. Allow yourself time to mourn your loss, but know that you will never truly feel “ready” for whatever blessings come your way, be it a new friend, boyfriend, or new baby. Even if it feels too early to allow such blessings into your life, be open to the possibility and give it a chance. You never know who or what might come into your life.

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Others have made it through loss, and you will too. Some days you may not believe this, but you will. Make a commitment to you and your loved one that you will get through this.

And when you look back at this time, you are not going to feel the pain. Instead, you are going to remember your loved one’s presence in your life…and the love he or she had for you then and still has for you now.

Wishing you strength,

Chelsea

COPYRIGHT 2011, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

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If you’re always expecting the worst, you can bet you’ll experience the worst. However, if you approach each day expecting great things, you’re more likely to encounter great things. Just as self-fulfilling prophesies can turn negative thoughts into a negative reality, positive thoughts can result in a positive reality. Inc. Magazine’s final tip for ensuring that a bad morning doesn’t turn into a bad day is to expect something wondrous. If you go through life expecting wonderful things around every corner, you’re more likely to see the wonder, and life will be that much sweeter.

Look Past the Darkness

After the death of a loved one, it’s hard to see things in a positive light. You feel like you’re living in a fog and even the brightest rays of hope are hard to see through the haze. It takes a while to finally see the good in life, but it doesn’t happen until you start expecting it. If you wake up every day expecting it to be as sad and lonely as the day before, it surely will be. If you start the day expecting something wondrous, you’ll begin to notice the opportunities in front of you and you’ll act on those opportunities. For example, an invitation to lunch begins to look like more than just lunch, but an opportunity to develop a new friendship.

What You See is What You Get

What do you see when you look at this woman? Do you see a beautiful young woman looking over her shoulder, or do you see an elderly woman with a big nose? Everyone sees something different the first time they see this image. But after you know that the image shows two different women, you can’t help but see both.

Much like the image of the two women, if you’re looking for something wonderful in life, you’ll see something wonderful. In fact, it will be hard not to see the wonderful things all around you.

Whether you’re trying to improve your day or your life, the common thread running through almost every tip, is the importance of your attitude. Happiness is a mental state, therefore it only makes sense that you can achieve happiness with your thoughts. Bad things are still going to happen, but how you react to them is what determines whether or not you continue to live a wonderful, happy life.

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Recently I came across an article published by Inc. Magazine called, Positive Thinking: 7 Easy Ways to Improve a Bad Day. The article contained some very sound advice about how to transform a bad morning into a good day. Often times we get so consumed by this one bad thing that happens that we let it effect the rest of our day. This article made me think about how this tendency also relates to our entire lives. A tragedy such as the death of  someone close to you may cause you to feel like the rest of your life is ruined. What’s the point of trying to have a happy life after you’ve lost the love of your life, your beloved child or a parent? The truth is, you still have plenty going for you and so much to live for. The next time you find yourself thinking the rest of your life is ruined because of the tragedy that has forever scarred you, just remember the past doesn’t equal the future.

The Past ≠ The Future

As they explained in the Inc. Magazine article, “there’s no such thing as a run of bad luck.” Just because this one terrible thing happened to you, even if a dozen bad things happened, that isn’t an indicator of how the rest of your life will be. You can’t be happy if you live your life thinking that you’re in for another round of grief just around the corner. Believing in this “bad luck” pattern is dangerous and instead of healing and working through your grief process, you will likely spend your life wondering when the next tragedy will strike.

The Future Can > The Past

It’s hard to imagine now, but you have the ability to improve your future. It’s going to take some work and a lot of positive thinking, but you can make it happen. Remember your loved one but stop dwelling on your loss. Instead, celebrate their life and the life you have before you. Focus on the people who are still in your life and who care about you.

You’ve already suffered enough following the death of your loved one. You’ve seen the bottom and now it’s time to climb back to the top. Have faith that you will see the top again and chances are, you will.

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The following is a guest blog post from Lori Pederson, author of the blog, I Did Not Know What to Say.

The words fun and adventure are rarely discussed when someone is grieving. The grieving process can be lonely and full of a deep sense of loss and sadness for long periods of time. However, the grieving process can also include joy and inspiration.

Over the holidays, I had the opportunity to go to Disneyland with my sister to see my niece’s band perform. My last trip to Disneyland was over 17 years ago after my mother had passed away. As I walked through the park, I remembered how much joy it brought me to go to Disneyland even when I was in the midst of deep sadness.

My friends took me to Disneyland to help lift my spirits a few weeks after my mother’s funeral. It was hard to imagine having fun while I was full of sadness, but when my friends suggested going to Disneyland, I felt it would be an opportunity for me to relax and have a little fun.

My mom loved Disneyland, and we went often when I was growing up. Going to Disneyland not only was a way to have fun, it was also a way to connect with my mom through a shared passion for the happiest place on earth.

We had a magical day. We let go, we had fun and just enjoyed the sunshine and the rides. It was a tremendous release!

Taking the time to take your loved one out of the everyday heaviness they are experiencing, can be an uplifting gift that they will cherish. Here are a few suggestions on how to get started with planning an Inspirational Adventure.

1. What is Their Comfort Level?

Each person is unique and so too is the journey through the grieving process. When approaching a friend about getting out into the world, be compassionate about their comfort level. Always include them in the planning process.

 2. Find Adventures That are Fun for Them

What do they love to do? What have they always wanted to do? Help them reconnect with life and joy through the simple pleasures in life. Do they love going to the movies? Going to the beach? Walking through the park? Going to Disneyland? Did they always want to learn how to dance? Help them understand that they are allowed to have fun, even though they are grieving.

 3. This is Not a Time to Push or Demand

Start out slow and offer options that move them in a direction of hope and joy. Allow them to say “no” if they are not ready.

 4. Avoid Surprises

The grieving process can be overwhelming. Even if your intentions are admirable, surprising someone that is grieving does not allow them the opportunity to back out if they are not ready or have had a rough day.

 5. Start out slow and Allow Them to Put One Foot in Front of the Other

In the early stages of grief just getting out of bed and taking a walk can be difficult. Each little step forward will help your loved one restore balance in his or her life.

An Inspirational Adventure will not take away the deep feelings of sadness or cure the grief that your loved one is experiencing. However, it may bring a smile to their face, open their heart just a little, and help them begin to feel joy again.

Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website built to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.   If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.  

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When we lose someone close to us to death, it can feel like we’ve been abandoned in a very dark, lonely place. The sadness is so overwhelming, we start to wonder if we’ll ever find happiness again. Find comfort in the fact that you can and you will be happy again. J.K. Rowling’s character, Dumbledore said it best with his words, “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Don’t forget to turn on the light.

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

~Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Let Yourself Be Happy

A grieving person can be their own worst enemy. You can get so wrapped up in your grief that you actually prevent yourself from being happy. All you know is that you’re sad, and you’re supposed to be sad. Right? Well not necessarily. It’s okay to be sad after the death of your loved one, but if happiness presents itself, don’t be afraid to let it inside. You’ve mourned your loss and now it’s time to grant yourself some sort of relief. Besides, just because you’ve found happiness again, doesn’t mean you don’t still miss your loved one and mourn their loss. You will always feel the pain of their absence, but that pain doesn’t have to continue to consume you like it has for so long.

Look for the Light

Sometimes happiness presents itself like a package delivered right to your front door but you send it back because, well, you didn’t order it. You have to look for the light through the darkness and find those opportunities for happiness. If you decide to be sad for the rest of your life because you can’t picture yourself being happy without your loved one, you will miss out on so many opportunities for happiness. There are other people in your life who want to see you happy and would do anything to help you. Let those people serve as your light and make your way out of the darkness.

Happiness is a choice. It’s something we’ve talked about before, but it’s so easy to forget when we feel like we’re supposed to be sad after the death of a loved one. There’s a difference between grieving and choosing to be sad. It’s absolutely necessary to grieve the loss of your loved one, but as time goes on it’s important that you turn on the light and find happiness. You can choose to be sad for the rest of your life, or you can choose to accept happiness once again. Your loved one would want you to choose happiness.