Give a set of tea light candles to other family member and invite them to join you in a day of remembrance, whether Christmas, a birthday, or anniversary of loss.

Include a special poem or a few carefully chosen words that can be said, when the candles are lit. Knowing others are paying tribute to your loved one at the same time as you can bring solace.

Time cannot steal the treasure that we carry in our hearts,

nor ever dim the shining thought our cherished past imparts,

 for memories of the one we love still cast a gentle glow

to grace our days and light our paths wherever we may go.

In Western society, the practice of actively mourning through symbolic clothing or jewelry has faded, reflecting our culture’s preference for getting things done fast, which can provide the false impression that “everything is back to normal.” In the past, wearing black clothing or putting a wreath on a home was a symbol of mourning. Today people are wearing silicone bracelets or bands to indication their connection to a cause. The “Live Strong” bracelets from Lance Armstrong started this movement. The bands typically can be worn by others as an act of support for a person they care about, or as a sign to others that you are personally affected by an issue.

For those who are grieving, custom band bracelets are often now available at funeral homes for you to add the name of your loved one with a special symbol or saying. You can also find bracelets online through the Widowers Toolbox. When the grandfather died in a large family, the grandkids ranging from ages 11 to 22, wore white bracelets with the deceased name and a dove. These bracelets can open up the door of conversation to others to let them know that you are grieving and build an understanding about what is helpful to you.

Depending on your comfort level, bands can be worn with the writing on the outside (an opportunity to share with others), the writing in the inside (eliminating the opportunity for discussion) or concealed (shielding you from discussion).

If displaying or wearing a symbol of mourning is comfortable to you, what others ideas do you have for such a symbol?

Chelsea

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How do you go about expressing your sympathy to someone who has just lost someone close to them? It seems like nothing could possibly be significant enough to help ease the pain and help them through their loss. Nothing seems relevant when compared to the severe grief that person is experiencing. Sometimes you have to think outside the box when it comes to finding just the right gift to express your condolences to someone who has experienced death. An angel is the perfect way to help someone work through their grief and remember their loved one for many years to come.

“Safe Hands of God” Angel

Angels have the unique ability to bring comfort and peace to those who are mourning. An angel statue is a reminder that their loved one is up in heaven, “safe in the hands of God.” This angel is beautifully crafted, featuring birch wood accents and intricate pewter detailing. The angel is also inscribed with this heartfelt message:

Angels are always near to those who are grieving to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hands of God.

“Heaven’s Angel” Child Remembrance

Parents who have suffered the death of a child can find comfort knowing that the angels in Heaven are now taking care of their son or daughter. This musical angel is a lovely way to remember a child and can be placed in the child’s room or other memorial within the home.

Angel of Comforting Presence

This angel is universally comforting to anyone who is grieving the death of someone close to them. The angel is beautifully adorned with dimensional folk art patterns, and her wings wrap around her as a symbol of comfort and protection. The angel is inscribed with the saying, “May you feel His comforting presence.”

There are so many ways to show someone your support during their time of grief, but few gifts are as comforting as an angelic statue that can be place in the home. Angels serve as a reminder that your loved one is now in heaven in the company of angels, protected by God.

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The following is a guest blog post from Lori Pederson, author of the blog, I Did Not Know What to Say.

The grieving process can be as unique as ones finger print. Each person brings to the journey their individual personality, their connection with the person that passed away, their religious/spiritual beliefs, their feelings about death, and their life experiences. When it comes to choosing a thoughtful sympathy gift one size does not fit all.

Finding the perfect sympathy gift to express your deep concern and provide the recipient with a lasting gift that honors the memory of their loved one, is not an easy task but not an impossible one.

As you consider what might be an appropriate sympathy gift for your loved one, here are a few things to consider:

 1. What are Their Religious Beliefs?

If they are religious, take a few minutes to consider the customs and norms of their religion. Some religions have specific beliefs about giving gifts after the death of a loved one. If they are not religious, be sure to stay away from religious gifts that may offend them. Remember, this is a time to be supportive, not a time to push your own belief system.

Gift Idea: I received a beautiful Angel with a candle that includes Psalm 27: 1 – The Lord is My Light and Salvation. This Angel sits next to my bed and I am reminded that through life’s ups and downs I am not alone.

 2. What are the Circumstances?

The cause of death and the significance of the relationship between your friend and the deceased are important factors to consider when choosing a sympathy gift.

Gift Idea: A friend that lost a pet may appreciate a stepping stone with the animal’s name on it to place in their garden. A mother that is grieving the loss of her child may welcome a thoughtful journal and a personalized memory box with the child’s name inscribed. Sending flowers and being a good listener to a husband whose wife has been murdered may be the best way to offer your support.

3. What is Their Age?

A grandmother may want a different type of gift than a friend in her twenties.

Gift Idea: When my mother passed away a good friend of mind gave me a Calvin & Hobbs cartoon book. Life was so heavy at the time that having something that made me laugh was just what I needed. I was 25 when my mom passed away and for me it was the perfect gift.

4. What is Their Gender?

Gender plays a big part in the type of gift that is appropriate. A male friend may enjoy a round of golf with you much more than a candle or a piece of jewelry.

5. What do They Enjoy?

Try to find activities that bring them joy and help them reconnect with life. A relaxing day at a spa, an enjoyable afternoon at a baseball game, or a nice afternoon tea, are just a few gifts that you can share with your loved one.

Gift Idea: A few weeks after my mom passed away, my friends took me on a trip to Disneyland. What a wonderful gift this was to help bring joy back into my life.

6. Do They Have Any Allergies or Food Restrictions?

When choosing a food gift basket or if bringing food to the family, be sure to check to see if they have any food allergies or are on a restrictive diet. You don’t want to buy a bottle of wine for someone that does not drink. Or bring peanut butter cookies to someone that is allergic to peanuts.

Gift Idea: Don’t have time to cook? Sympathy Food can provide a complete nutritious meal to a grieving family.

 7. Do They Have Pictures in Their Home or Scrapbooks?

If your friend enjoys displaying memories in their home, a personalized picture frame or a decorative scrapbook that they can keep mementos in may be an appreciate gift.

8. What Type of Book Will Reach Them?

If choosing a book, consider the stage of grief your friend is in. The first few months after a loss can be extremely difficult and it may be difficult to concentrate. Books that are easy to digest and provide coping skills by people in similar situations may be best.

Gift Idea: I received a very meaningful, yet simple book after my mother passed called “How to Survive the Loss of a Love”.

9. Think Outside the Box

Gifts don’t need to be traditional; they can be as unique as your imagination.

Gift Idea: When my friend Dan passed away I could not afford the last minute airfare to attend the funeral. A friend of mine paid for my ticket using his frequent flyer miles.

10. Offer Your Support

Some people don’t need or want trinkets, books or movies; they just want a friend that will be there with a listening ear, a hug, and a warm heart.

Buying a special gift basket, inspirational book, customized picture frame, memorial ornament, or sending flowers to a grieving loved one can brighten their day and lift their spirits during a difficult time.

  Lori Pederson, Founder of I Did Not Know What To Say, a website built to inspire and to provide you with tools to assist a love one through the grieving process.   If you would like our free newsletter on how to assist your friends and family members through the journey of restoring balance in their life after the death of a love one, please visit our website at www.ididnotknowwhattosay.com.  

When your loved one dies, you feel an even stronger desire to be near them. The loss that you have suffered makes you long to feel their presence in some way or another. The mention of their name, the smell of their clothes, a quick glance at their picture, all give you a brief sense of comfort, knowing that you can still hold onto a small piece of your loved one. If someone close to you is grieving the loss of a loved one, a beautiful way to carry the memory of their beloved departed is with a piece of jewelry. It’s something that can be worn at all times to serve as a gentle reminder of the one they still hold dear to their heart. Here are a few of my favorite pieces of memorial jewelry. Find one that you think will speak to your loved one and give it as an expression of your deepest sympathy for their loss.

Memorial Bangle Bracelet

This bracelet is a beautiful reminder to someone who is grieving that their faith in God will help them through the struggle. The rhodium bracelet is inscribed with the message, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” There are going to be days when your loved one will feel as though they are not strong enough to bare the pain. Let the bracelet guide them back to the Lord and help them find strength in Him.

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength”

“Always in My Heart” Ash Locket

A locket is the perfect way to keep the physical presence of the departed close at all times. This heart-shaped locket contains a vial that is meant to hold the ashes of your loved one. It’s inscribed with the message, “In loving memory.” Give this gift to someone who has lost someone close to them and is in need of a way to hold their departed loved one close to their heart.

“Memorial Cross of Faith” Necklace

If your loved one is strong in their faith, they will truly appreciate this memorial cross necklace. It is a beautiful 22 karat gold necklace embedded with Swarovski crystals. Although it is easy to feel abandoned at such a hard time, this cross is a beautiful reminder that God has not forgotten them during this time of darkness.

Jewelry is a wonderful way to express your sympathy for someone who is grieving. A necklace or bracelet can serve as a beautiful expression of their love for the departed and a reminder to them of the person they have lost. If you yourself are grieving, there’s no reason you can’t treat yourself with one of these special pieces of jewelry to help you through this difficult time.

After the first few weeks of loss, we are so depleted that it may feel impossible to ask for help, or even know what help to ask for.   Friends want to help, but they often are not sure either on what to do.  Below is a short list of ways to take charge of your grief and ask for help.  Consider copying or e-mailing this list to friends.

• Please reach out to me with specific offers of help.  Don’t expect me to reach out to you.  I am overwhelmed, and the simple act of picking up the phone can be too much.  Simply, help me with responsibilities.  Offer to help with errands, the kids, the laundry, meal preparation and the everyday things that I may not be able to complete.
• Please share a meal with me.  Eating alone or without my loved one is difficult.  Please bring a meal over on invite me to go out to eat.
• Please don’t minimize my feelings or try to eliminate the pain.
• Please remember me on special dates, such as the one-month anniversary of loss, my loved one’s birthday, the holidays, and other milestones.
• Please say the name of my loved one.  It doesn’t upset me.  In fact, I like to hear my loved one name.
• Please don’t judge how I am grieving.  Support my decisions and how I choose to grieve.
• Please help me through the entire journey of grief.  I need your friendship and support during this dark time.

If you are not comfortable sharing the list of suggestions yourself, perhaps have a close friend or family member serve as a guide in letting others how to best help you.

Every day I think of you.  I keep your memories in my heart for that’s my reassurance we’re never far apart. Remember your loved one is only a memory away.

Memories are helpful tools in the grief recovery process, but more importantly, they are long-term sources of comfort for the rest of your life.  Memories serve as a special link to your loved one.

You can recognize and honor you loved one by having “remember when” sessions, which are simply celebratory recollections of your loved one’s life. You can do this alone by recording items in a journal, or sharing stories in a group.  For group settings, a great time for this activity would be on special milestone dates, such as the holidays, your loved one’s birthday or anniversary of loss.

I recently purchased a book, Mom: Tell Me About Your Life, which prompts you to recall and record memories about your childhood.  I purchased the book because I wanted to record some of my life experiences, so my son would have these memories to look back on when he needed too.

The interesting part, thought, is the book helped me.  I was able to recall many memories of growing up with my mother, who passed away 15 years ago.  I thought there were so many things I had forgotten, but this book, really helped me to recall them.  I was utterly delighted, and felt such comfort in these precious memories.

I hope you too can enjoy the fond memories of a “remember when” session.  Your loved one is always only a memory away. 

• On Grief: Memories are Yours to Keep (withsympathygifts.com)

A memorial stone is a unique and special way of helping to ease the pain of loss and keep memories alive.  Lasting far longer than a flower arrangement or sympathy card, an inspirational garden stone is the perfect way to express your feelings and show your support.  And with an inspirational saying or an inscription related to the deceased, it is a way to keep loved ones close.

Memorial gifts have become quite popular in recent years as more people search for a different way of demonstrating their sympathy.  It can be hard to find the right words at such a difficult time and a gift can help to ease that struggle, showing your support in a tangible way that speaks far louder than words.  There are many kinds of memorial gifts, making it easy to find just the right expression no matter what the circumstances.

Everything from an angel statue, to a picture frame to an inspirational book can bring comfort and consolation during the grieving process.  Garden related gifts are particularly popular, whether it be a wind chime, a statue or a stone.  A memorial stone is particularly effective for remembering a beloved pet and can even be used to mark the burial spot.

But these special remembrances are not only for pets.  You can find any number of garden stones with inspirational sayings that can apply to the loss of any loved one.  Since the garden is traditionally a place of peace and even spirituality, what better way to mark the passing of a loved one than by designating a special spot in your garden?

It may not have occurred to you to send a memorial stone as a sympathy gift, but it makes perfect sense.  Every time they look at the stone, your friend or family member will not only be reminded of the loved one they lost but of your love and concern as well.  It’s the perfect way to show that you are with them on the journey through grief.

That can be a long journey and while there may be a large outpouring of sympathy at the start, it can get much more difficult when time passes and that support system begins to wane.  That’s where a sympathy gift can make all the difference, helping to ease the pain days, weeks, and even months later.  You can give a gift at any time and it will still hold the same impact, maybe even more so later in time.

A memorial stone in particular can be a very personal gesture, allowing you to express your support when words fail you.  And words can be very inadequate at times like this.  Often, it’s silent support that means the most, letting your loved one know that they are not alone in their grief.  Sympathy cards and flowers simply cannot duplicate that gesture.

If you’re looking for a special way to ease the grieving process for a loved one, why not consider a sympathy gift?  Whether a garden stone, or a book or something else, it can be the best way to say what’s really in your heart.  Don’t feel the need to say just the right thing, choose a memorial gift and let it do the speaking for you.

Sympathy cards can be a quick and easy way of expressing your condolences at someone’s loss, but too often, they just don’t make the right statement.  When you need to make a more unique and personal gesture, why not consider taking the next step and sending a sympathy gift instead?  It can help you to get your message across in just the right way so that your friend or family member knows how much you really care.

Expressing sympathy is never an easy thing to do.  It is hard to know exactly what to say and how to go about saying it.  Truth be known, for those who are grieving there may not be any right words.  Often, just knowing that others are there and offering support during this terrible time can be enough.  That’s why a choosing a sympathy gift can make such an important impression.

In many ways, relying on sympathy cards can be an easy out.  Instead of finding your own words, you can let those already printed speak for you.  But that doesn’t really communicate how you feel and can even feel awkward and impersonal.  A handpicked gift, on the other hand, shows that you are putting real thought into your expression of sympathy and can say more than words ever could.

There are many advantages to sending a gift of sympathy or remembrance.  Not only can you choose something that expresses your personal emotions, you can also send it at any time, which can be more significant than you realize. Rather than adding to the rush of sympathetic expressions that come immediately after a loss, a gift sent later can be a way of reminding your loved one that your support is lasting.

And the form of the gift can be so much more touching than even the most beautiful of sympathy cards.  A garden stone, wind chime or plaque with an inspirational saying can offer reassurance that the mourner is not alone in his or her grief.  A music box that plays a special song can add even more emotional impact, helping to keep the deceased close in mind and heart.

Or perhaps a more personal remembrance such as a piece of jewelry or a photo frame is more appropriate.  Gifts can even be used to ease the pain of losing a beloved pet, with a stone marker or a photo ornament that includes an inspirational message.  There is almost no end to the possibilities when it comes to expressing your grief with a remembrance rather than words.

It’s understandable to feel that words fail you at such a difficult time, but you don’t have to feel obliged to rely on the impersonal sentiment of sympathy cards.  You can show your loved one how you feel with a personal and meaningful gift that speaks volumes.  It’s a beautiful way of demonstrating your lasting care and support throughout the grieving process.

Saying goodbye is never easy and everyone grieves in his or her own way.  At the same time, there is no one right way to express your sympathy.  Don’t assume that cards or flowers are your only options.  Consider giving a sympathy gift instead

Hang on when riding the roller coaster of grief.

Image via Wikipedia

You can yell and scream all you want as your grief hits all those curves and dips and bumps, but don’t give up.

Hang on to hope. Hang on to love.  Hang on to memories.  Hang on to life.

Know that a bad day just means you can “start over” tomorrow. Have realistic goals that you can meet. Be fair to yourself.

We all have bad days that blindside us, the ups and downs of the grief, but these bad days also enable us to feel the beauty of a good day, the love of a friend, the power of a gorgeous sunset, the peace of a serene lake, or the joy of a child.

Hang on!

• More from With Sympathy Gifts….Grief is Like a Roller Coaster…Hold On! (withsympathygifts.com)