The legacy of your loved will live on in your life forever. This legacy will reflect how you love, how you raise a family, how you live your life and how you make decisions. Through the rest of your life, you loved one’s influence, love and care will be with you.
That we once enjoyed and deeply loved,
we can never lose,
for all that we love deeply becomes part of us. ~ Helen Keller
Knowing your loved one lives on,
Chelsea
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November 2nd is National Look for Circles Day. What?!?!
Days dedicated to special things have always intrigued me but this one really stumped me. From what I could find, it doesn’t look like anyone knows who created “National Look for Circles Day” and why. Which is interesting and got me thinking….so often we search and search for things that are right in front of us.
The idea is to look for circles throughout the day. It reminded me of when I play car bingo or do road trip scavenger hunts with my son. So often I will be driving and think, “oh we won’t see one of those” and all of a sudden Jake will say “Look mom! There it is!”
When going through life, it is so easy to feel like we are searching and searching for something when in reality the answer lies right in front of us. Circles are everywhere, just like beauty and happiness. If we focus on the negatives, that is all we will see.
Make a plan to look for as many circles as you can today. Notice how many are all around you. Here is a site that has ideas for scavenger hunts and games that you can do with your coworkers or kids. Then I challenge you to make tomorrow your “Look for the positive in everything day.” Turn your challenges into opportunities and instead of feeling like you are spinning in circles, go out and find your positive circles.
When you lose someone close to you, there’s a tendency to go into survival mode. We do what we can to get through the tragedy, but little more. Meaning, we do our best to feed and bathe ourselves, but nothing else seems important right now. Well today, I want you to seriously think about the last time you laid back and gazed at the clouds, played a game of hide and seek, or watched the sunset. If you can’t remember, it’s time to change that.
Death is a very serious matter. So serious that it make us not even want to have fun. But if you’re trying not to have fun, chances are you won’t. So today, I dare you to jump out of your serious state and do something fun or silly. If it means acting like a kid again, do it! You might find this mindless, silly activity is just the thing you need to feel better, even if it’s just for a moment. So jump rope with your kids, swing on the swingset or sing in the shower.
Chances are you’ve been so busy caring for others and working through your grief that you haven’t even thought about taking time for yourself. Every day, make an effort to do at least one thing just for you, whether that means spending an hour at the gym, getting a haircut or just taking an hour at the end of the day to enjoy a glass of wine.
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when we’re grieving. We’re so focused on what we need to do each day that we rarely break from our mundane routines. Watch for opportunities to do something spontaneous. Pick a random day to play hooky from work and drive to the beach or visit a relative. Ask someone out on a date or pick up a new hobby. Sometimes events in our lives that aren’t planned out are the ones that we end up enjoying the most and get the most out of.
It’s not always easy to pull yourself up when you’re feeling down. But if you make a conscious effort every day to do something different, to give yourself a break from your grief work, you will be thankful you did. This is time that you can forget about the pain and focus on you for a change.
We all have a gift: An acute ability to do something really well. Maybe you’ve been blessed with natural athletic ability, astounding intelligence, or a knack for cheering people up when they need it the most. Talents come in all different variations, but the one thing they have in common, is that they are not meant to be kept to yourself. It’s up to you to recognize your gift and share it with others.
For some people, it’s obvious what their gift is. Some people are lucky enough to realize their talent from a young age and have been nurturing it for years. Other people might not recognize their talent without first doing some introspective thinking. If you’re not sure what your gift is, take some time to ask yourself a few questions:
Once you have discovered your gift, the next step is finding a way to share it with others. Depending on what your talent is, the answer may not be so obvious. Start by thinking about what other people with your gift are doing to share it with others. Is that something you can re-create to some extent or in some variation? Next figure out a way to make it happen. In other words, figure out how you’re going to start living your life in a way that makes use of your unique gifts and talents; whether that means finding volunteer opportunities in the community, helping out friends and family or even making a career change.
Once you start using your gifts in your everyday life, you can really start to feel like you’re living your life to the fullest and that spreads to those around you. When you do what you love, you’re not afraid to jump in with both feet and there’s nothing keeping you from really digging in. Start slowly and gradually find more and more ways to share your gifts and talents with those around you. Remember, you only live one life, so it’s up to you to make it count and live life to the fullest.
After you suffer the death of a loved one, you feel like you’re living in a fog. You go through the motions, but it’s almost as if someone else is living your life while you stand by and watch. Nothing you do feels natural – working, laughing, your daily routine. The truth is, you don’t have to live like this for long. You can take your life back as you work through your grief, but it’s up to you to actively take steps to do that. Here are 4 ideas to help you reconnect with life after the death of a loved one.
When you’re grieving, your natural reaction to an invitation is probably going to be to say no. Going to social gatherings just doesn’t seem right. Whether you don’t feel sociable, you feel guilty enjoying yourself while you’re grieving, or you just don’t want to, push yourself to go anyway. The change of pace could be just the thing you need to bring you back to some sense of normalcy, even if it’s just for a few hours.
Grief has a tendency to make us hibernate. It’s much easier to lock ourselves indoors and watch TV as a release from the reality of the loss that we’ve incurred. While that’s okay occasionally, it’s better to find something to do that is engaging and forces you out of the house. If you already have a hobby that you enjoy, get even more into it. If you don’t have a hobby, find one. Anyone can find something that interests them. Find a hobby that you enjoy so that you have something to look forward to every day and a way to take your mind off of your loss.
When you’re ready, find a way to get involved with your church, at work or your kid’s school. The extra responsibility will help to give you a sense of purpose and direction if you’re feeling lost following the death of your loved one.
We all have forgotten friends who have fallen by the wayside over the years. Losing a loved one can help us to see just how important good friendships are. Take this opportunity to call up your old high school or college friends and rekindle those friendships that were once so strong. You can never have too many friends or too big of a support system, especially when you’re grieving.
You’re the only one who can decide when you’re ready to reconnect with life after the death of your loved one. When you’re ready to take your life back, you’re going to have to actively take steps to pull yourself out of the fog and back into the rich, meaningful life you are meant to live.
Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of a perfectly wonderful moment thinking about what you’re going to do next? We all do it and it’s something that most of us have to make a conscious effort to correct. What’s so bad about letting your mind wander off to the next big thing or the memories you hold on to from years ago? You miss out on all of the things happening around you right now. The next thing you know, you’re living that moment you were thinking about so longingly yesterday, but your mind has moved on to tomorrow or is stuck in a moment from two weeks ago. Challenge yourself to start living in the present, starting now.
During our younger years we tend to spend a lot of time wishing for the future. We see all of the privileges that come with growing up and we wish our time away. We wish for the day we get our driver’s license, we can’t wait to move away to college, and then finally, to graduate into the “real world.” All of a sudden, our college days are over and we wish we could go back to those days. The wisdom to appreciate these years is not commonly found in teenagers and young adults, but it’s important to slow down and cherish these moments now before they are gone.
After you lose a loved one to death, it’s common to find yourself living in the past. You think about how great your life was when the person you lost was still a part of it. There’s a difference between keeping the memories of your departed loved one alive and missing out on your life now because you’re stuck in the past. Even though your loved one is gone, there are people in your life now who care about you very much and who want to see you happy. Don’t miss out on that love and happiness that is all around you now because you can’t stop thinking about the way your life used to be.
We all have one life to live. Live your life in the present and try to cherish each moment as it happens. We’re only human, so you’re bound to find yourself longing for a different time every now and then. It’s okay to hold onto your memories and to get excited about the future, but don’t let those past and future moments keep you from cherishing the moment that is happening right in front of you.
People say it all the time; “You only live once.” Yet it’s still so easy to forget that on a daily basis. Sometimes we get so caught up in the day-to-day grind that we forget to make each day count. Time goes by so fast that we seldom stop to really think about life and whether we’re living it in a way that will allow us to look back on it with no regrets when all is said and done.
I came across this story about a nurse who has worked with countless patients during their dying moments. Through her observations, she put together a list of the top 5 regrets that people have when they die. I’d like to reflect on each regret individually, starting with the first one:
Have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expect
Take some time to think about your past. Without being too critical, can you say that you’ve lived your life in a way that is true to yourself? Make note, there’s a difference between living selfishly, and living your own life. I’m not saying you should just stop caring about those around you, but rather live in a way that makes you happy. Reach for your goals, not the goals of someone else. Although you can’t take back or change the way you’ve lived your life thus far, you can use your past to motivate you to change.
Maybe you’ve already realized the importance of living life for yourself, and you’re putting that principal to work. That’s wonderful! If you’re not living a life true to yourself, most likely you already know this. You know because it weighs on you. You feel the conflict between whatever or whoever is holding you back, and the life you know you’re meant to live. Maybe not every day, but the thought creeps up on you and it’s painful to think about. That’s how you know your not living life true to yourself. So…
Living a life true to yourself is going to look different for everyone. For some, it could be something drastic, like a career change, faith change, or relocation. For others, it might be simply making small changes to your daily living, like learning to tell people “no” when you have to. Find out what it is you have to do in order to start living true to yourself and work towards putting that into action. It’s not going to be easy and like any change, it will take time. Be diligent about chipping away at the change, and patient in reaching your goal.
No matter where you are in life, it’s never too late to start living a life that is true to yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re 16, 36, or 76, start being true to yourself now so that you don’t have regrets later.
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“I have emerged from the tunnel of grief into the light. Life is better. Not the same, but good and getting better all the time.” ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers
As you sit with your sorrow today, step out into the sunshine– at least for a few minutes. Let the warmth of the sun, of life, spread through you….and know that you will feel more and more light as you emerge from the tunnel of grief.
1. Look at life as a journey and enjoy the ride. Get the most out of the detours and realize they’re sometimes necessary.
2. Do your best, but if what you’re doing has caused you discouragement, try a different approach. Be passionate about the process, but don’t be so attached to the outcome.
3. Wish the best for everyone, with no personal strings attached. Applaud someone else’s win as much as you would your own.
4. Trust that there’s a divine plan, that we don’t always know what’s best for us. A disappointment now could mean a victory later, so don’t be disappointed. There is usually a reason.
5. Ask no more of yourself than the best that you can do, and be satisfied with that. Be compassionate towards yourself as well as others. Know your calling, your gift, and do it well.
6. Don’t worry about something after it’s done; it’s out of your hands then, too late, over! Learn the lesson and move on.
7. Have the attitude that no one, except you, owes you anything. Give without expecting a thank-you in return. But when someone does something for you, be appreciative of even the smallest gesture.
8. Choose your thoughts or your thoughts will choose you; they will free you or keep you bound. Educate your spirit and give it authority over your feelings.
9. Judge no one, and disappointment and forgiveness won’t be an issue. No one can let you down if you’re not leaning on them. People can’t hurt you unless you allow them to.
10. Love anyway. . . for no reason. . . and give. . . just because.
Source: Donna Fargo, a favorite author of mine!
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