Did you ever think that remembering your loved one could be as simple as looking in the mirror? Or have you ever been taken aback when you heard yourself say something in the same tone, with the same  mannerisms as your departed loved one? The truth is, whether you’re related to your departed loved one by blood, or you just spent the better part of your waking hours with them, you’re bound to share some striking similarities. What characteristics of your departed loved one do you see in yourself?

Listen to Your Words

Were you and your husband the type to finish each others sentences? Did you and your best friend share the same expressions and catch phrases? Usually after you’ve spent a significant amount of time with someone, you start talking like that person. After your loved one has passed away, pay attention to the way you talk. I bet you’ll surprise yourself with how closely your words resemble those of your departed loved one’s.

Pay Attention to Your Voice

Did people constantly confuse you for your brother when talking over the phone? If so, the sound of your own voice could be just the thing you need to remind yourself of your departed loved one on those particularly mournful days.

Compare Photographs

You might not have noticed it, but you probably share a lot of the same physical characteristics with your parents, siblings and even more distant relatives. Following the death of your beloved family member, dig up some old photographs of your loved one and compare them to pictures of yourself. Look for similarities in the eyes, the lines on your faces, and the way you both smile. If you can compare your pictures at similar ages, you’ll likely be able to see the similarities more prominently.

So what am I trying to get at with all of these similarities? The similarities you see in you and your departed loved one can help keep their memory alive. They are daily reminders that you cary with you everywhere. No longer do you need a picture or a video to remember the sound of their voice or the way they smiled at you, because all you have to do is smile into the mirror and you’ll see your departed loved one’s face smiling back.

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Losing a parent is devastating, no matter what your age; whether you’re an independent adult with kids of your own, or if you’re still a child, dependent on your parents for everything. The bond between a parent and their child is so special, that when it is broken in death we experience one of the most painful forms of grief. If you’re coping with the death of a parent, work through your grief and take comfort in these 5 coping tips.

1. Draw Support From Other Family Members

Although everyone’s relationship with your parent was different from yours, there are other family members who are mourning the loss with you. Reach out to those family members, especially siblings during this time of grief. These moments can really help us to realize how important family is and that no relationship should be taken for granted. Show your siblings support and compassion during this time and hopefully they will reciprocate your loving gesture.

2. Take Comfort in Keepsakes

When a parent is taken from us, we tend to feel abandoned. We cling to anything that reminds us of them as a way to hold onto them for as long as possible. Go through your belongings and pick out keepsakes from your childhood that remind you of your parent. It could be family pictures, a special gift they gave to you or an item of clothing. Hold on to these treasured keepsakes and take comfort in them when you are missing your parent the most.

3. Keep the Memory Alive

There are other ways to keep the memory of your parent alive. On days that you’re really having a hard time, cook their specialty dish. The aroma and flavors will immediately remind you of your parent and the care they showed for you growing up. Maybe your parent had a distinct scent. Keep a bottle of their perfume or cologne on hand and use it to remind you of their essence.

4. Think, ‘What Would Mom or Dad Do?’

Most of us turn to our parents for advice even well into adulthood, so it will be second-nature to want to call on your mom or dad with the same type of questions. It’s painful when we come to the conscious realization that we can’t do that anymore. It’s hard, but chances are your parent has already taught you everything you need to know. Stop and think about how your parent would handle the situation.

5. Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Other Parent

Not that one can ever replace the other, but the death of a parent is often an eye-opener that your parents won’t be around forever. This is as good a time as any to really become close with your other parent if they are still alive. There’s no doubt your other parent is very grief-stricken at the loss of their life partner, so your effort to reach out to them at this time will mean a lot to them.

Nobody will ever be able to replicate the love and care that your parent gave to you during their lifetime. That’s what makes your relationship so special, but it’s also the thing that makes it so painful to lose. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your loss. Although no one can ever replace your mom or dad, your family can help you through this heart-breaking loss.

He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your  back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on

David Harkins 

• She Is Gone (generalmarcelo.wordpress.com)
• When tomorrow starts without me (belledate.wordpress.com)
• Days (awakenedwords.wordpress.com)
• Just Another Thursday (growingyoungereachday.wordpress.com)
• Poems for Healing – A Better Place (grief-loss-info.blogspot.com)

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The holidays can be a difficult time for children who are grieving. Not only do memories of lost loved ones tend to surface at this time, but children may not know how (or feel able) to express their pain during a time that’s supposed to be joyful.  As an adult in their lives, you need to know how to help grieving children during the holidays.

 The most important thing when celebrating the holidays during a time of grief is not to pretend nothing has changed. Instead, embrace the loss with open arms and allow it to become a part of your holiday celebrations.

 Talk, Talk, Talk

• Enough cannot be said about the importance of simply talking to children about their grief. Talk about the departed loved one. Give children a chance to share their feelings, stories and favorite holiday memories. Discuss your plans for the holidays, and talk about how things will be different this year. For kids who have trouble expressing their feelings verbally, give them a chance to draw or journal about their grief. By broaching the subject yourself, you give kids permission to talk about it and prevent it from becoming taboo.
•  It’s okay if you choke up or have trouble talking about it yourself. It’s okay to let children see that you’re sad, too. By letting your own feelings out, you’re modeling healthy behavior for them and sending the message that grief isn’t something to fear – nor is it something to cling to.

• The stress of the holidays can be overwhelming, especially when you’re grieving. You – and the children in your life – may need extra rest at this time. Participate in the holidays as much as you can, but don’t be afraid to set limits. Be flexible, and don’t place too many demands on children or yourself. Always have an escape plan if things become too difficult to manage.
• By the same token, don’t be alarmed when children act as if nothing is wrong. Children grieve differently than adults. While they will certainly experience intense emotions during the holidays, and may act depressed or upset sometimes, they also need to take breaks from their grieving and spend time just being kids. It’s perfectly normal for bereaved children to experience bouts of laughter and play; these are moments for rejoicing

• The holidays are laden with tradition for many families. When a loved one dies, cherished traditions are often broken or irreparably altered – especially those that were created or maintained by the deceased. For children, losing the comfort of these traditions can sap the holidays of their magic.
•  While maintaining traditions as much as possible can help comfort children in their time of grief, it’s also healthy to allow old traditions to transform in order to suit the family’s changing needs. Have a meaningful conversation with the child about which traditions to keep, which may need to be modified, and what new traditions you’d like to create. Creating new traditions for the holidays can help strengthen family bonds and reinforce the child’s sense of security in the wake of a loss.

A wonderful way to keep a lost loved one alive during the holidays is to create a new tradition or tribute in his or her memory. This lets children know it’s okay to carry the departed with them as they celebrate. For example:

•  Hang a special ornament.  Help the child pick out or make a special ornament for the loved one. Once the tree has been decorated, ceremoniously give the ornament a place of honor on the tree.
•  Take to the kitchen.  Help the child cook a special holiday dish in honor of the lost loved one – it could be a favorite dessert or side dish. You can even set a place at the table for the missing family member.
•  Carry a memento.  Let the child carry a picture or other reminder around in order to feel closer to the person. Give the child a loved one’s shirt or other article of clothing to sleep in.
•  Do something for others.  Helping others reminds us of our own blessings. Adopt a needy family for Christmas; invite someone over who would otherwise be alone; make cookies for a local nursing home; or help feed the hungry at a homeless shelter.

There are many other ways to memorialize a loved one during the holidays. Light a special candle at the table, create a memorial wreath, make a collage – whatever reminds the child of the loved one. The more positive holiday memories you create, the less room there will be for grief.

 © 2011 Miri Rossitto 

 Valley of Life is an online memorial website dedicated to preserving and celebrating the lives of loved ones who have passed on. Miri Rossitto started the website in 2006 after losing her own mother. She believed that the internet needed a safe and respectful destination where people could grieve in whatever manner they chose. Valley of Life is quickly growing into one of the largest resource providers of end of life care and Miri looks very forward to connecting with many more people seeking comfort and care.

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“I have emerged from the tunnel of grief into the light. Life is better. Not the same, but good and getting better all the time.” ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers 

As you sit with your sorrow today, step out into the sunshine– at least for a few minutes. Let the warmth of the sun, of life, spread through you….and know that you will feel more and more light as you emerge from the tunnel of grief.

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After all the grieving you have done, can you imagine the morning when you’ll arise from sleep feeling whole and healed?  You can embrace life again!

It will come, I promise. And, when it comes, you’ll have a moment when you wonder if you’ve done your loved one a disservice by letting go of the sadness you’ve lived with for so long.

I can only say this: you may have let go of the sadness, and chosen to embrace life again. But, you’ll never let go of the love you feel for them, or the memory of their smile.  Remember your loved one wants you to be happy and to live a fulfilled, healthy and fun life.

• Ideas to Nourish Yourself as You Heal from Loss…. (withsympathygifts.com)

Image by melvisflickr via Flickr

Sometimes when you are grieving you like to talk to others who have been there or to observe those in the middle of grief.  We may do that to gauge how we are doing or see that there is hope and life at the end of the grief tunnel.  

I Measure Every Grief I Meet – Emily Dickenson

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The loss of a child is a devastating event.  It’s often difficult to know what to do for the parents who have experienced the death of a baby.  Most people simply just do not know what to do immediately after loss or down the road or what kind of sympathy gifts to give.

To help others express their sympathy with care and meaning, I have gathered a collection of sympathy gifts that will serve to support a family at their time of need and in the years ahead…keepsakes to honor and remember the child’s life.

Our beautiful collection of sympathy gifts can bring hope to anyone who has been touched by the loss of a child.

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Your loved one is always loving you, watching you and guiding you from heaven

That is my belief and the main theme of my writing.  Below are some of my favorite messages from my gift books that I think will help you or someone you know.

“Though my life is over, I am closer to you now than I was ever before.There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb,but together we can do it taking one day at a time.”

“Let your faith be strong, for I’m home where I belong. Please don’t be unhappy because I’m not in your sight.
I’m by your side every morning, noon and night”
Excerpt from Forever in My Heart

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Right now

take a moment

close your eyes

and remember

the smile

of your child.

-Sasha Wagner 

When we are in our grief and despair, we sometimes can temporarily forget all the wonderful things about our loved one.  If we can take a few moments just to remember all the beautiful and loving things about our loved one, we can give ourselves the gift of remembrance.

Remember the love and joy that your loved ones gave you, the fun you had with them, the lessons you learned, their voice, their smile, their laugh . Perhaps, this can make your heart feel a little lighter, if even for a moment.

If you can, consider this ritual everyday…give yourself the gift of remembering that smile.

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