This time of year is always so hard. Fall brings beautiful colors, cozy sweaters, and nights by the fire. But it is so bittersweet for me. Those beautiful leaves quickly fall to the ground, the weather gets colder, and then the holidays are looming.  When you lose someone, the holidays can be awful.  Especially the first ones. For years I tried to do stick with the traditions that I had with my parents, but of course it was never the same.  So instead I made new traditions and prepared for the holidays ahead of time.

Here are some things that I found helpful throughout my grief journey during the holidays.

Prepare and Let the Emotions in

A lot times people who are grieving avoid making plans for the holidays or even talking about it. I did this all the time in the beginning. I thought that if I changed the subject or waited until the last minute to make plans then I didn’t have to face the fact that the holidays were coming and my loved ones wouldn’t be there. This was the worst thing I did because when the day came, I just lost it. So I started to prepare early. Now is a great time to start. Mentally envision the holidays and when you start feeling sad, let it in because if you don’t the emotions can ambush you any time. Start dialoging with your loved one and tell them what you are going to miss most during the holidays.

Start New Traditions

If it is already hard thinking about your loved one not being there, than make new traditions. It can be as simple as having dinner at a different relative’s house so you don’t have to look at the empty seat at your house. I have a friend who changed up the seating arrangements so there wasn’t a constant reminder during dinner that her husband wasn’t there. If old decorations are hard to put up, then don’t put them up. Treat yourself to new ones. There is nothing wrong with starting new traditions, you will find that it will make things more exciting. When you do something different, it is stimulating and takes you mind off what was familiar.

Self Care

It is so easy to not take care of ourselves during the holidays, whether you lose someone or not. Make good self-care a priority. When those emotional times come, having a good physical well-being can help carry you through. Get plenty of sleep and exercise, you want to keep those endorphines up, those are your body’s natural anti-depressants! Eat healthy foods to give you strength, sugary and fattening foods can make you feel worse. Get outside, even for 5-10 minutes. Sometimes all you need is fresh air and some vitamin D.

Get Out

Even if you don’t want to go, GO! Do not isolate. A friend of mine who lost her husband says she never turns down an invitation, even if it is to a dance or a wedding. She said it was dreadful in the beginning. She would see other couples dancing together and it was so painful. The worst part was driving home alone. She would get in her car and just sob. You may wonder why anyone would do this to themselves. It has been almost 10 years and she still doesn’t turn down invitations. She explained, “Sometimes you do what you have to do. It was awful at first but I believe going helped me face the pain and process it quicker. I never had a “bad time”, yes it was hard but what was I going to do sit in my house alone? If you stop going to things, people will stop asking. Getting dressed and out the door is the hardest part.”

“Though my life is over, I am closer to you now than I was ever before. There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb, but together we can do it taking one day at a time.” 

-Excerpt from Hello from Heaven, by Chelsea Hanson

Related articles

• How to Live Well…Even During the Holidays! (giveacareindy.org)
• Try These Non-Traditional Thanksgiving Food Ideas (apartmentguide.com)
• Living with Intention in Your Body and Soul This Holiday Season (livefullystudio.wordpress.com)

Have you ever truly experienced the power of positive thinking? I mean, really had a cause and effect situation, where the cause was positive thinking, and the effect was an outcome you were hoping for? If so then you know there is something to be said for having a positive attitude and thinking positively about the things going on in your life. If thinking positively doesn’t come naturally to you, try incorporating these positive affirmations into your daily routine. Spend time each morning reciting these affirmations and see how your outlook on the day changes.

1. I am Fortunate to be Alive

After you lose someone close to you to death, there is a tendency to reflect on mortality and to think about your numbered days here on earth. Instead of focusing on the inevitability of death, focus on how lucky you are to be alive. Remind yourself of this fact every morning and you’ll feel more gratitude toward everything in your life, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

2. I Have a Precious Human Life

Those suffering from depression have a tendency to question the value of their life. Self-deprecating thoughts or even thoughts of suicide are common among people who are grieving or suffering from severe depression. It’s necessary to remind yourself that life is both delicate and precious. We each only get one chance at life. Once it’s gone, it’s gone, so take good care of yourself, physically and emotionally.

3. I am Not Going to Waste My Life

Every day you have a choice to make: You can either sit around and wait for something to happen, or you can make something happen. Don’t waste your life waiting for something to happen. Choose to be actively engaged in your life on a daily and even hourly basis, to make sure that you are living the life you want to live.

4. I Love My Life

You know those people who always seem so happy and full of life? You could be that person! The trick to loving life starts with believing that you love your life. Sure there are going to be days when “love” isn’t exactly the word you would use to describe the way you feel about life, but tell yourself that you love your life anyway and soon enough it will be true.

You can create affirmations to help you through any struggle or challenge life throws at you. If you’re suffering in the aftermath of the death of someone close to you, start with these 4 daily affirmations. As you feel yourself pulling through your struggle, develop new affirmations to reflect your new state of being and to help you to achieve your next set of goals.

Related articles

• Law Of Attraction Daily Affirmations empower people to attain dreams (themactrack.com)
• 100 Positive Affirmations (katieorse.typepad.com)

Forgetfulness, brain fog and clumsiness are commonly experienced after a loss.

No one could have prepared you for the experience of grief…the searing pain, the sleepless nights and the change in your world.

These strong, painful, debilitating feelings can mean you are at the core of your grief….you may have moved out of shock into stark reality…this can be one of the most trying times of grief.

But hold on, know these crazy and painful feelings will not last forever…the pain will soften, and you will receive hope.

Hope is not pretending that troubles don’t exist…

It is the trust that they will not last forever,

that hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome…

It is faith that a source of strength and renewal lies within

to lead us through the dark to the sunshine.

~Anonymous

Sending you a ray of hope,

Chelsea
COPYRIGHT 2012, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

Here are 5 common myths about grief:

Grief has a timeline

There is no timeline to grief; the grief process is a personal experience and influenced by so many factors. Placing someone who is grieving on a timeline can make their process even worse.

Staying Busy Will Keep the Pain Away

Sooner or later, grief will catch up to you. An individual who is grieving shouldn’t push their feelings off to the side; it is best to deal with feelings of grief right away.

I am Weak if I Cry

Crying helps individuals move through their grief. Experiencing emotional pain leads the bereaved to be able to laugh, smile, and realize how much they loved the person they lost.

There are Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross made the five stages of grief famous in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Kubler-Ross didn’t believe the stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) were chronological, or that an individual would experience each and every one of them.

Grief Should be Experienced Alone

Grief shouldn’t be experienced alone; there are friends and family around that can help the bereaved and listen to them. Sharing a simple phone call with a friend, or cooking a meal to share will allow the bereaved to surround themselves with loving, compassionate people.

Source:  http://www.agingcare.com/Articles/grieving-the-death-of-a-loved-one-149491.htm

• Common Myths and Misconceptions about Grief (griefhealingblog.com)
• “Am I Grieving Right?” (psychologytoday.com)

Each of us carries our grief in a different part of our bodies.  For me, it was migraine headaches for a good six months as well as weight loss.

For others, it could be a pain in the shoulders or neck or a heart that literally aches with loss.  Where does your grief most commonly reside?

Here’s a tool for you, which may help you to consciously recognize the physical pains of grieving, and most importantly, to learn to release this pain.

Speak the word “grief.” Then, take your right hand and put it immediately on that part of the body which pops in your mind.  Wherever it is, leave your hand there. Take very slow, very deep breaths. Now let it out in a big, big “sighing” breath. The tension can release and make your body more relaxed.

By doing this exercise as much as you can, you’ll learn to physically “let go” of your aches and pains, which can give your body more energy for emotional healing.

• Accepting Grief as Part of the Healing Process (decorative-urns.com)
• Healthy Grieving: Here are some ideas… (withsympathygifts.com)
• Is your grief really ALL grief? It’s time to ask yourself some questions. (kristiewest.com)
• Dealing With the Loss of a Loved One (everydayhealth.com)

Can Busyness Help with Grief? Consider this:  “Great peace is found in little busyness.” ~ Chaucer

One of my favorite activities is reading a book.  Why? Because – your mind is busy…..you are aware, focused, and fully-engaged.  Thus, your mind is free of everything else that you have been thinking about.  It’s a calming activity that can rest your mind.

It’s that emptiness, or resting, which can bring you some comfort and healing. For just a bit, you’ve not thought about your loss, the feelings which accompany it – or the future.

Forget Your Loss for a Little While – Try Busy-ness….

• More from With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes Blog… (withsympathygifts.com)
• Question: How Long Do Negative Emotions Last? (blogs.psychcentral.com)
• A Brief Insight into Everything (blogs.psychcentral.com)

Dance Like No One is Watching

Hi, Chelsea here….Came across Rules for a Good Life and thought you might enjoy…#2 is my favorite and #3 is my next favorite.  Part of the reason I work in the grief support area is that I don’t think there is anything more important than to help someone who lost a loved one.  Thus, I do #2 with my whole heart!  See which rule is your favorite.  P.S.  I also like #16!

1. Be kind. (Include yourself.)
2. Find something you love to do and do it flat out – with your whole heart, fully engaged – as often as you can.
3. Stop doing things you hate. Quit boredom. Give up worry. Wean yourself away from agreements that compromise your integrity and contracts (especially those unspoken, unwritten ones) that give you a stomachache.
4. Tell the truth – begin with the truth about what you really want, who you really are. Jot down that thing you obsess about; that idea rolling around in the back of your mind. Promote that dream from ‘fantasy’ to ‘vision’ and start sketching out an action plan.
5. Share. Right now. Even though you don’t have much – no matter how humble, a thoughtful gift is a gesture of such grace.
6. Be encouraging - even when you’re not sure how they’ll EVER make money with that. (Remember: even the most successful people must take practice runs; you never know what skill someone’s building.)
7. Wear natural fibers. Cotton, silk, wool, linen. They just feel better.
8. Add beauty to the world. (include the world you live in, your home, your body, your cubicle.)
9. Leave room for silences – in conversation; and in your day.  Find a place where you can be alone with your thoughts and go there.
10. If you don’t know how to help someone who’s suffering, instead of worrying about them, say a prayer on their behalf. Then, trust the angels to deliver the support they need.
11. Eat food that tastes good and, once eaten, leaves you feeling energized. Avoid food that leaves you feeling bloated, angry, spaced out or sick.
12. Plant things in soil… actual soil. Preferably outside.
13. Drink more water.
14. Get enough sleep.
15. Wear a hat that covers your ears in winter. In the summer, don’t forget the sunscreen.
16. Naps are nice.

• Your Guardian Angel’s Day (fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com)
• Energy Energy I Am a Conduit For Energy | RenamixTech (angelicwords.wordpress.com)

Sympathy gifts can take many different shapes and forms, but the underlying sentiment remains the same.  It’s a unique and special way to keep the memory of a lost loved one alive and ease the pain of grief.  Gifts at this particular time can often be more expressive than words, since it can be difficult to find the right thing to say.  But a heartfelt gift can embody your support and care just perfectly.

Sympathy Gift Ideas – Music Boxes

Designed to give comfort to those who are grieving, gifts of remembrance can go far beyond the average expression of condolence.  Far more than a bouquet of flowers or a sympathy card, these tokens are a way of paying tribute to the loved one who has passed and reaching out to those who are grieving.  They can even be personalized to add a special touch.

How meaningful would it be to have a music box that plays an inspirational song or a picture frame that can hold images from happier times?  Perhaps the grieving person would appreciate a stepping stone for the garden or an angel statue to remind of them of the beautiful soul they have lost.  There are any number of ways that gifts can express our love for someone who is gone and our support of those who grieve.

Related articles

• An Expression of Sympathy From the Heart (withsympathygifts.com)
• Sympathy Gifts Bring Some Light to Those Grieving (withsympathygifts.com)
• Grief and Bereavement Support: Consider a A Healing Journal (withsympathygifts.com)

There are no magic words that can erase the pain and sorrow felt by individuals who are grieving.  And everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace.  It can be difficult to know exactly how to react but it is important to realize that sometimes just being there and listening is the best form of support.  If you want to offer your support in a more tangible way, then a remembrance gift can be the perfect gesture.

Sympathy Gift - In Loving Memory Cross

There are no magic words that can erase the pain and sorrow felt by individuals who are grieving.  And everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace.  It can be difficult to know exactly how to react but it is important to realize that sometimes just being there and listening is the best form of support.  If you want to offer your support in a more tangible way, then a remembrance gift can be the perfect gesture.

Taking a step beyond the traditional sympathy card or bouquet of flowers, there are many ways to remember your loved ones or offer support and encouragement to grieving friends.  A garden stone or wind chime can bring peace and tranquility, or perhaps a beautifully framed photo or inspirational saying can express the feelings you want to share.

A piece of jewelry with a relevant word or saying can be the perfect way to keep a deceased loved one close to your heart.  Ornaments that include a picture enable departed to be included in holiday celebrations, helping to ease the pain of separation that can be particularly difficult at moments like those.  And with specially designed sympathy gifts, this kind of remembrance can even be extended to beloved pets that have come and gone from our lives.

Inspirational books can also be an ideal way to offer encouragement and support.  As the grieving individual draws strength from the carefully chosen words, they’ll be able to reflect not only on the loved one they’ve lost but also on the thoughtful friend who reached out to them in this special way.  It can have more of an impact than you’d ever imagine.

For More Gestures of Kindness:

• An Expression of Sympathy From the Heart (withsympathygifts.com)
• Grief Support: Express your sympathy with a memorial gift (withsympathygifts.com)
• Remember Lost Loved Ones with Memorial Keepsakes (withsympathygifts.com)
• Beyond Condolences: A Gift of Remembrance (withsympathygifts.com)

Loss of Child - With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes

Having experienced losses myself, I know how hard it can be for others to offer help, as they simply don’t know what to do.  Thus, part of my mission is to educate others on how to help the bereaved.  Below is probably one of the most difficult types of grief to help with, as written by Terra Trevor:

How to Help a Grieving Parent

“When a child dies you may feel helpless and not know how to help the parents. You can help, though. Here are ten practical ways to help a grieving parent:

1. Don’t avoid us. Be the friend you’ve always been.

2. Listen if we want to talk about it.

3. Cry with us and don’t try to find magic words to ease our pain.

4. Don’t say, “Call me if you need anything.” Most bereaved parents won’t feel strong enough to pick up the telephone. Instead offer to do something specific.

5. Give special attention to and offer to take care of our other children. Siblings have not only lost a brother or sister to death, they have also lost their parents to grief.

6. Remember: Grief is exhausting. Grief feels like fear.

7. Marker events, the first day of school, birthdays, and holidays remind us our child is absent. Pay careful attention to us on holidays. Most bereaved parents dread holidays. Follow your heart and take a leap to reach out to us because we are deeply hurting. If we say no, ask us again year after year. Eventually we will feel strong enough to say, “Yes.”

8. In the days and especially in years ahead share a fond memory and mention the name of the child who died in conversations as casually as you would any living friend or family member.

9. Acknowledging the date our child died by sending us a card or flowers is a wonderful way to remind us that you are remembering our child and we need not walk our grief journey alone.

10. There is no timetable for grief. Be patient with us. We don’t recover from the death of a child, we learn to live with it, and over a process of years we begin to find a new normal.”

Source:  Terra Trevor is the author of the memoir Pushing up the Sky: A Mother’s Story (KAAN), from which a portion of this article is excerpted.

For Additional Support:

• Mother’s Day: Celebration and Grief (sandiegocaregiversblog.com)
• Finding Hope and Support When Your Child Dies (heartachetohealing.com)
• When a Child Dies (heartachetohealing.com)