People have been grieving for centuries, and only since the 20th century have the phases of grief been defined through research. Even without this knowledge, people still grieved, and they grieved well. This is because grieving is an intuitive process.

You naturally begin the fluid process of grieving.

When you received the tragic news, planned the funeral, went back to work, settled the estate, you began healing through the restorative process of grief. Although you may not have noticed progress, try to reflect on how far you have come.

So, if you are wondering, am I grieving, or am I doing this correctly? Yes, you are. It is a natural process, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Acknowledging your loss,

Chelsea

“We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world- the company of those who have known suffering. When it seems that our sorrows are too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy hearted into which our grieving has given us entrance, and inevitably we feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding.” ~ Helen Keller

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We cannot do everything at once,

but we can do something at once.

~Calvin Coolidge

The following is a guest blog post from Maureen Hunter, creator of the website and blog, www.esdeer.com.

When we have lost a loved one our life is plunged into a new reality we never asked for or ever wanted. We are cast adrift from all we know, all we treasured and are left floundering in the gut wrenching pain of overwhelming grief. We miss them SO much; our hearts feel as if they will never be whole again.

If only we could see them, touch them and smell them. We ache to give them one more hug, hold them and love them. Although those things are a much wished for dream, there are ways we can keep our relationship with our loved one strong, not as we once did but in new and different ways. We can begin to find ongoing and everlasting connections into the unknown, to where they are now. Something I call spinning our gossamer threads.

Connecting with our loved ones in new and different ways gives us a forever part of them as we grieve and as we heal. We never have to think that we are leaving them behind because they are a constant presence in our day to day. Our love for them will never die. Our thoughts are full of them so let’s keep them close to our hearts, and in our lives.

Keep Them Close

Display their photos in beautiful frames, make their favorite clothing into a throw, and find a special place for their treasured mementos. Know that you can touch them, smell them and see them regularly. Keep something with you as you go about your daily life, a photo in your wallet, a special piece of jewelry or a tattoo. No matter where you go, there they are.

Talk to Them

Talk to them in the car and around the house. Say hello in the morning, and kiss their photo good night in the evening. Buy a beautiful journal and write a note to them every day. Tell them what you wanted to say. Tell them how much you miss them. Tell them what’s happening. On special days, write on a colored balloon and let it soar up and beyond.

Hear from Them

Some of you may hear them speaking to you, yet when you go to look there is no-one there. Some things can never be explained logically. Listen to what they are saying. If they come to you in a dream, listen to the words you hear. If your belief system supports it you may consider visiting a spiritual medium. Many have found the communication healing and restorative.

See Them

You notice a shadow in the corner of the room and turn around to see it disappear. Light flickers in strange places that can’t be explained. Electricity does strange things. There may also be signs and symbols that you learn to recognize. Your loved one will find their own special symbol which ‘speaks’ to you in a way that is truly THEM and yours to keep and cherish. Often it is something from the natural world, a persistent type of bird, a special butterfly or a rainbow. You might see signs on car number plates and hear music on the radio at significant times. Feathers drift into your home or in front of your feet and you find coins in unlikely places.

There are many more ways we can continue to keep our loved one with us and notice their presence beyond the physical alone. Keep them near you always and choose the comfort that comes from knowing our connection with them continues from one world to the next as we spin our gossamer threads.

© Maureen Hunter www.esdeer.com

Maureen Hunter is an inspirational writer and grief steps mentor giving comfort and hope to many. She is

Express preferences. Pay attention to your preferences. Let others know what you can’t or don’t want to do.

Know your limits. If you are tired or don’t feel like doing something, you can choose not to do it. The most important thing is your care. Your friends and family will understand if you do not join in some activities.

Say no. If you are invited out, but don’t feel like going, it is okay to say no. Others may want to see you out, as they do not like to see you in pain. If you choose to decline some activities, you do not need to give a reason.

The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you

from one moment to the next.

~Mignon McLaughlin

Wishing you the power to express your needs,

Chelsea

COPYRIGHT 2012, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

Though your loved one has left this earth, the legacy of your loved one will live on in your life forever. This legacy will reflect how you love, how you raise a family, how you live your life and how you make decisions. For the rest of your life, your loved one’s influence, love and care will be with you.

That we once enjoyed and deeply loved,

we can never lose,

for all that we love

deeply becomes part of us.

~ Helen Keller

Knowing your loved one lives on,

Chelsea

COPYRIGHT 2012, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

After the flurry of activities calms down and everybody returns to their regular daily routines, the magnitude of the loss starts to set in. This can be one of the worst times for the bereaved, and it is when friends are needed the most. Here are five steps to help a grieving friend over time.

A real friend is one who walks in

when the rest of the world walks out.

Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.

Walk beside me and be my friend.

- Charles Caleb Colton

After the flurry of activities calms down and everybody returns to their regular daily routines, the magnitude of the loss starts to set in. This can be one of the worst times for the bereaved, and it is when friends are needed the most. Here are five steps to help a grieving friend over time.

1. Listen

This is the most important way you can help your friend. Just listen…don’t offer suggestions, advice or solutions. By freely giving a sympathetic ear, this allows your friend to feel safe to express his or her feelings. Learn to be comfortable with shared silence too.

2. Reminisce

Reminisce with your friend about his or her loved one’s life. Sharing fond memories is a wonderful way to provide comfort. Remember, talking about the deceased will not hurt or upset the bereaved. In fact, it is just the opposite. Your friend will appreciate that you haven’t forgotten about his or her loved one, especially as time goes on.

3. Check in Regularly

This simple act will show you care, as well as make your friend more comfortable and secure. This is especially important in the first year after the loss, as your friend gradually adjusts to not having the physical presence of their loved one.

4. Learn about Grief

To understand what your friend is going through, do your best to learn about loss. By having an understanding of the grief process, you can offer more sensitive care and compassion.

5. Remember

Honor special dates including the date of death, birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, which may be especially hard on the bereaved. Your support will be needed and welcomed, especially on these days.

COPYRIGHT 2012, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

After your loved one is laid to rest, it can be very hard to go on with your everyday life. The world keeps moving forward but things just aren’t the same. The recency of your loved one’s death is your biggest hurdle. Although you can’t speed up time or move forward faster, there are 4 tips to help you after the funeral.

1. Get out of the House

One of the best ways to deal with the recent loss of your loved one is to get out of the house and do something. Call up your friends for dinner or go to a movie. Go to the gym and get some exercise. The natural endorphins created from exercise will lift your spirits, even if just for the moment.

2. Have Some Alone Time

Give yourself some alone time to just think. Yes, it’s important to get out of the house and interact with people, but if you never take any time to reflect on your loss, it will sneak up on you at a time when you’re not prepared. Take some time each day to relax and think about what has happened.

3. Let it Out

Everyone handles grief differently, but talking about your feelings and showing your emotion is a very healthy way to deal. Find someone to talk to, whether that’s a family member, friend, or grief counselor, it doesn’t matter, so long as they are willing to listen.

If you want to cry, then cry. If you can’t cry, that’s okay too, you’ll cry when you’re ready. Don’t think you have to be strong for your children or your siblings or a friend. Everyone deserves a chance to show their emotions when they feel the need.

4. Talk to Your Lost Loved One

Are you thinking about your lost loved one a lot today? You’re going to miss your loved one every day, but some days will be more tough than others. Did something funny happen to you today? Maybe you had a particularly long day at work? If you’re used to sharing these daily occurrences with the one you lost, there’s no reason why you still can’t.

The funeral of your lost loved one is what makes your loss final and real. The weeks following the funeral will be challenging, but there are ways to get though. Pay attention to your feelings and give yourself time to grieve.

Grief tends to have a negative connotation associated with it. But the truth is, grieving is necessary in order to move forward after the loss of a loved one. Everyone grieves differently. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. The only thing that matters is that you continue giving yourself permission to grieve.

You Don’t Have to be Strong

Many people feel that they must control their grieving in order to be strong for someone else. But that’s not fair. Everyone deserves a chance to grieve and mourn the loss. Your children, your spouse or your friend won’t think less of you for showing your emotion. Being “strong” and hiding your grief doesn’t make it any easier on those grieving around you.

Let it Happen

If you’re feeling sad, let yourself feel sad. Don’t try to brush it off or run away from it, because your feelings will only come back later. Cry if you feel like crying and don’t be ashamed.

Take a Moment

Sadness can strike at any moment after the loss of a loved one. Sometimes you might feel sad at a time that’s not exactly “convenient” for you. Maybe you’re in the middle of a work meeting or perhaps something strikes you during class. There’s nothing wrong with excusing yourself from the situation to let it out and collect your thoughts.

Do it in your Own Time

It’s not uncommon for people to feel a numbness when they first learn of the death of a loved one. That numbness can last longer for some people resulting in little display of emotion. Remember, it’s never too late to grieve. If the loss doesn’t truly sink in until months after the fact, grieve then. Grieve when you’re ready to grieve.

Mourning the loss of a loved one is both necessary and healthy. People will try to cheer you up after the loss of a loved one. That’s nice and it’s with the best intentions, but if you just need to be sad for a while, allow yourself to be sad.

Start and End Each Day with Gratitude

What is the world can there to be grateful for you wonder?  I am in hell, and want to get out.  I am not grateful for anything.   My loved one died.

One way to take you away from your pain, if only for even a moment, is to consider what you might be grateful for in your life.  Your mind cannot hold competing thoughts.

• Are you grateful for your loved one and how much you loved him or her?  Are you grateful he or she was a positive and caring influence in your life?  Are you grateful you will always have his or her love?
• What about your life, your child’s life, or the other family members that love you?
• Or instead, how about the smaller more basics things… your warm home?  The soft bed you sleep in?  The sun on your face?  A piece of chocolate?

Take a minute in the morning and the evening, and try to reflect on three things that are a blessing to you.  Although this may be difficult, please give it a try.  It can be a welcome respite to your weary mind, if only for a moment.

                                                                               Blowing the winds of gratitude your way,

           Chelsea

• Day 7: The gift of gratitude (incelebrationofyou.wordpress.com)
• Grief and Gratitude-How to Balance Both (archive.aweber.com)
• How Can We Grieve & Be Grateful? (heartachetohealing.com)

The Light of Love Lives Forever.  The love from your dear ones lights up your life.

Their light remains a part of you no matter what.

Although it may seem that their light has been extinguished, look closer.  Their light shines upon you and out from within you, now and forever.