Light a candle.

Candles have been used as symbolic activities for centuries for ceremonies such as weddings, baptisms, birthdays and church services. On a daily basis, the simple act of lighting a candle is enough to put you into a reflective state. The candle light is not only symbolic of your loved one’s spiritual presence, but it encourages you to remember your loved one and think about all of the wonderful moments you spent with them.

Your loved one’s love shone on you throughout your life, similar to how a candle can shine a light on you now. Some ideas for using candles:

·   As a daily ritual, take a minute or two to light a candle in your home and spend some time thinking about your departed loved one.

·   Consider lighting a candle and let it burn all day in your home to represent the eternal love of the person who died. Put the candle in a prominent place so you can be reminded of this love whenever you see it.

·   At special occasions, burn a candle to represent your loved one’s presence. It can be placed on a table where they used to sit for dinner or on a fireplace mantel.

What would you like the light of the candle to represent?

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In Western society, the practice of actively mourning through symbolic clothing or jewelry has faded, reflecting our culture’s preference for getting things done fast, which can provide the false impression that “everything is back to normal.” In the past, wearing black clothing or putting a wreath on a home was a symbol of mourning. Today people are wearing silicone bracelets or bands to indication their connection to a cause. The “Live Strong” bracelets from Lance Armstrong started this movement. The bands typically can be worn by others as an act of support for a person they care about, or as a sign to others that you are personally affected by an issue.

For those who are grieving, custom band bracelets are often now available at funeral homes for you to add the name of your loved one with a special symbol or saying. You can also find bracelets online through the Widowers Toolbox. When the grandfather died in a large family, the grandkids ranging from ages 11 to 22, wore white bracelets with the deceased name and a dove. These bracelets can open up the door of conversation to others to let them know that you are grieving and build an understanding about what is helpful to you.

Depending on your comfort level, bands can be worn with the writing on the outside (an opportunity to share with others), the writing in the inside (eliminating the opportunity for discussion) or concealed (shielding you from discussion).

If displaying or wearing a symbol of mourning is comfortable to you, what others ideas do you have for such a symbol?

Chelsea

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When you do decide to go through your loved one’s clothing, you may not be sure what to do with it. Today there are many options if you give some creative thought to the process. Really think about how you can turn your loved one’s belongings into something memorable.

Some ideas include:

Sam Hyun (1977-2012) Memorial Quilt for Ezra, June 2012 (Photo credit: daintytime)

1.    Pick some of your favorite or sentimental clothing items of your loved one, and have it made into a memory quilt for you. Throw it on a bed, hang it on the wall, or drape it over a couch.

2.   Consider turning some clothing into a stuffed teddy bear for you or other children in the family. This tangible item, especially when placed on the bed, can also serve a small but meaningful item of comfort.

3.   Pieces of clothing can be used to decorate a memory box, scrap book or serve as a journal cover.

4.   Clothes can even be repurposed into items for children such as hair bands, mittens, scarves or sweaters.

To find a quilter, seamstress or artist to make a custom item search online at www.Etsy.com to find someone who can make you a custom item. You may also get a lot of new ideas as you browse online. Alternately, ask your funeral home or local hospice for recommended artists.

Be creative and you may be surprised by the great ideas you come up with!
Chelsea

Memories are most vivid when there is some type of sensory stimuli to associate with it. For example, a picture to look at will help you remember the vacation you took with your loved one, listening to a song can help you remember your first date, and a physical keepsake could help you remember what they looked like when they left for work in the morning. Here are 4 ideas to creatively cherish the memories of your loved one for the rest of your life.

1. Photo Wall

Keep the memory of your loved one alive in your home with a wall dedicated to pictures of your loved one with all of the members of your family. If it helps, you can use pictures from the picture board you created for the funeral and visitation for inspiration to get started. You will look at your photo wall every day and remember the wonderful times you spent with your loved one.

2. Keepsake Box

Did your loved one leave you with something important? Sometimes a piece of jewelry, an item of clothing, a flower from the funeral, or a letter from that person is all we need to remember. Whatever that item is for you, it’s important to preserve that item so that it stays in tact for as long as possible. This Treasured Memories keepsake box is perfect for storing your keepsake and preserving it for years to come.

3. Write a Journal

There’s no better way to hold onto your memories than to write them down. Keep a journal with stories about you and your loved one. Try to write with as much detail and description as possible in order to really capture the memory. Ask other people to contribute to your journal and consider sharing it with friends and family.

4. Make a Mix Tape

Put together a compilation of songs that remind you of your loved one. Include songs you listened to with your loved one, songs they talked about, or just songs that make you think of them for whatever the reason may be.

When you lose someone close to you, it’s so important to hold onto the memory of that person for as long as you can. Although you can’t bring them back, you can cherish the memory of that person in your own special way.

Here are 5 common myths about grief:

Grief has a timeline

There is no timeline to grief; the grief process is a personal experience and influenced by so many factors. Placing someone who is grieving on a timeline can make their process even worse.

Staying Busy Will Keep the Pain Away

Sooner or later, grief will catch up to you. An individual who is grieving shouldn’t push their feelings off to the side; it is best to deal with feelings of grief right away.

I am Weak if I Cry

Crying helps individuals move through their grief. Experiencing emotional pain leads the bereaved to be able to laugh, smile, and realize how much they loved the person they lost.

There are Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross made the five stages of grief famous in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Kubler-Ross didn’t believe the stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) were chronological, or that an individual would experience each and every one of them.

Grief Should be Experienced Alone

Grief shouldn’t be experienced alone; there are friends and family around that can help the bereaved and listen to them. Sharing a simple phone call with a friend, or cooking a meal to share will allow the bereaved to surround themselves with loving, compassionate people.

Source:  http://www.agingcare.com/Articles/grieving-the-death-of-a-loved-one-149491.htm

• Common Myths and Misconceptions about Grief (griefhealingblog.com)
• “Am I Grieving Right?” (psychologytoday.com)

As you heal, good memories will replace your pain.  You will relish those memories as a special gift.  And these memories, which reflect the special qualities of your loved one, will serve as your loved one’s legacy.  Here are 3 questions on how to appreciate your loved one’s legacy:

• What special qualities do you appreciate about your loved one?
• How can you incorporate those qualities into your life?
• How will your loved one’s legacy live on in your life? 

What lessons have you learned while grieving? What’s so good about grief?  Well, of course nothing!  

That is what comes to mind…but I know that is not quite right, there are some things to learn…

For those of us who have lost someone, we have gained valuable insight that will serve us a lifetime.  

We have learned these important lessons, whether or not we wanted them.

We learned how important each day is…

We understand the importance of savoring the moment…

We learned to:

Spare an extra minute to say “I love you!”

Hold our child’s hand a little longer

Take a few minutes away from work to enjoy the sunshine

Not wait for tomorrow

Take risks

Call a friend now

Preserve memories

Not have regrets about today

Not take tomorrow for granted

Hold  our loved ones a little tighter

And Hug good-bye a little longer….

What have you learned?  Please feel free to add to this list….

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Sympathy poems are a special touch that can be added to any number of gifts allowing you to express your love and support in a unique way.   The grieving process can be a long and difficult one, but the right words or gestures can make all the difference.  Knowing that you needn’t shoulder the burden of pain alone can make that pain so much easier to tolerate.

That’s what makes memorial gifts such a perfect way of reaching out to those who are grieving.  When you can’t find words of your own, they can offer the perfect expression with a pertinent saying or verse.  A simple gesture like that can speak volumes where mere words cannot.  And there are a variety of options available making it that much easier to reach out in your own personal way.

Everything from plaques to music boxes to pieces of jewelry can be inscribed with sympathy poems that touch the heart and strengthen the spirit.  It can be the ideal way to remember a lost loved one and offer comfort and caring for those who are grieving.  Knowing that you took the time to find an appropriate gift can mean more than you even realize.

For some reason, verse can sometimes touch us in a way that ordinary words can’t.  Coupled with a picture or personalized inscription, it can be even more reassuring.  And there are poems that apply to almost every individual situation, from the loss of a child or parent to that of a beloved pet.  No matter how difficult the grieving process, you can make it that much easier with a simple yet beautiful gift.

Sympathy poems can serve as a reminder of a lost loved one, bring encouragement to one who is grieving, or demonstrate that you are with them on the long, hard journey.  And it is that kind of support that can often mean the most.  Just knowing you have a shoulder to lean on or a sympathetic ear to listen can be the greatest comfort of all.

And because they can be given at any time, memorial gifts can also show that your support is lasting.  Many people reach out immediately after a loss when the pain is still very fresh, but the expressions of sympathy dwindle over time.  With a memorial gift, you can make your gesture days or weeks later, when support and love may be even more appreciated.

The grieving process is never easy to approach from either side, but memorial gifts that include sympathy poems can help to ease the burden tremendously.  They can help to lift up those who are grieving when they are at their lowest point and allow them to continue on, knowing that they are being buoyed by the care of others.

If you know someone who is grieving and want to reach out, consider a memorial gift.  It can be the perfect way of expressing your support, your strength and your comfort in the worst of times.  Though it may seem like a simple gesture, it may be the most profound message of all.

Angel gifts are among the most popular and special forms of sympathy expression.  Unlike any other symbol, angels represent peace, comfort and a unique connection to the one we’ve lost.  Whether the deceased is an adult, child or even a pet, we can find solace in the thought that they are now with the angels in heaven and even looking down on us as angels themselves.

This lovely sentiment has taken many different shapes, from inspirational sayings to figurines and garden statues.  All of them offer a personal way of demonstrating your care and understanding during a time of tremendous pain and loss.  It can be a particular source of comfort knowing that friends and family are reaching out in such a thoughtful way.

Stemming from the Bible itself, the image of angels watching over and protecting us is one that has lasted over the years and appeals to a wide range of people.  Angel gifts pick up on that feeling and add to it with words and images that pertain to a specific situation.  You can find something that speaks directly to the mourner, offering a sense of connection to the loved one they have lost.

There are even angel figurines and ornaments that are designed for very specific situations, such as the loss of a child, which can be particularly difficult.  It can be especially hard to figure out what to say to parents who have lost a child or experienced a miscarriage. A remembrance of their own little angel who is now watching over them can help to ease that pain.

Angel gifts can serve to ask for protection for deceased loved ones or be reminders of the loved ones themselves.  They can speak to us in many different ways and be a lasting keepsake to ease the grieving process in the quiet times as well as the more immediate moments right after a loss.  Because grief is not something that comes and goes quickly; it can be a long, slow process that requires patience and care.

That’s where sympathy gifts really make an impact.  Instead of just a fleeting token like a card or flowers, a special gift can stay with the mourner and remind them that they are not alone in their grief.  It can also help to keep the memory of the deceased alive, allowing their life to have an impact well beyond death.

While writing a note of sympathy can seem more personal, sending a gift can carry weight far beyond that of words.  Angel gifts in particular can express emotions and sentiments that we might otherwise be unable to convey adequately.  It can be a touching way to extend arms, or wings, of comfort and lessen the ache of loss.

No matter how harsh the loss or how deep the sorrow, you can be a solace to your loved ones by sending them a personal and meaningful sympathy gift.  And for a truly special message, consider choosing something related to angels.  It will show your loved one that you are thinking of them and offering your support in the most thoughtful manner possible.

As time passes, the re-connection with the power of your heart will move yourself out of grief.

When the heart is enlivened again, it feels like the sun coming out after a week of rainy days. There is hope in the heart that chases the clouds away. Hope is a higher heart frequency.  As you begin to reconnect with your heart, hope is waiting to show you new possibilities and arrest the downward spiral of grief and loneliness.  It may becomes a matter of how soon you want the sun to shine.

Listening to the still, small voice in your heart will make hope into a reality.

• Understanding and Managing Grief, December 4 – December 10, 2011 (griefhealingblog.com)
• Celebrating The Journey Through Grief (heartachetohealing.com)
• How To Cope With Grief During The Holidays (heartachetohealing.com)