What Can I Do?                                                                                                                    

How to Provide Immediate Comfort

Sympathy Gift - Cross of love

There are many heartfelt and useful ways to help someone who just lost a loved one.

Here are ways to give immediate comfort:

Be There.  The most important thing that you can do is to be present with the family.  Don’t stay away because you are afraid that you may say or do the wrong thing.

Go to the service.  There is no substitute for your physical presence.  It sends an invaluable message of support.  If you live too far away to make a personal visit, call or write to express your sympathy.

Share your genuine sorrow.  Don’t worry about what to say, just share from your heart.  Simplicity is best.

Listen.  Most importantly, the bereaved like to be heard.  Just listen, and let them tell you about their loss.

Share a Memory.  Reminisce and tell a fond memory about the person who died.  The bereaved want to talk about their loved one.  Your recollection of the deceased will be a wonderful gift.

Cry.  It’s okay to cry.  The family can find comfort in knowing that you are sad too.  Your tears show that you care about the family and their loved one.

Smile and laugh.  It’s okay to laugh.  There is a myth that laughter is not appropriate at time of loss.  However, a friendly smile or laugh will help to ease the pain.  Memories about the loved one can include when he or she made others smile, laugh, or just feel good.

Use appropriate physical contact.  When words fail, put your arm around your friends shoulder or give a hug.  Actions can speak instead of words.

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• Sympathy Gift Ideas (withsympathygifts.com)
• Sympathy Gift Ideas – Giving the Gift of a Memory (withsympathygifts.com)

How to Give Yourself Support When Grieving

1. Acknowledge your feelings and be gentle with yourself. Emotions change quickly and unexpectedly when mourning. Denying your feelings can prolong your healing. Sometimes you feel sad, angry, or lethargic. Be gentle with yourself and not judge yourself for varying emotions.

2. Find positive or creative outlets to express your feelings. Write in a journal or blog, plant a memorial garden, make a memory book, write remembrance stories or a sympathy poem.

3. Express your feelings to friends and families. By letting others know how you feel day by day, they will be better able to support you.

4. Read books on grief support. This will give you an idea of how others experienced and worked through their losses.  Grief support books may help you understand how you are feeling and perhaps what to expect as you continue to grieve.

5. Seek out a local grief support program. Sharing with people who have also lost a loved one may help in your healing. When your grief is so fresh and painful, it can be invaluable to talk with others who are farther along in their grief journey.

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Consider Gratitude as You Journey through Grief

When you are faced with loss, it can be difficult to feel a sense of gratitude in your life, yet gratitude can lift your spirits and open the pathway for good things that are yet to come.

1. Think of all the things in your life for which you are grateful.  You are being caring to yourself when you remember the things that make your life worth living, too.
2. Reflect on your possibilities for joy and love each day. Honor those possibilities and have gratitude for them.  What can I do today to bring more joy into my life?
3. Be grateful for your physical health and your beautiful spirit. Be grateful for your family and friends.  Think about your children, neighbors, good friends and colleagues
4. Above all, be grateful for this very moment. When you feel gratitude, you prepare the way for more healing and peace. You are alive, so live today.

The use of gratitude is not to deny you your overwhelming loss and the need to mourn, but to help you through the grief journey….