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However painful it is to bid farewell to one who has died,                                                                                                             once you have done so, you begin a new relationship with them,                                                                                               one you can always cherish.

Once your release them from earthly time, you can embrace them in eternity.

When you release them from the physical dimension,                                                                                                                        you can hold them close in a dimension no less real:  the spiritual one.

For, even though they no longer walk beside you, they will be even closer.

They will be within you.

And you will not forget them, because you cannot forget them.                                                                                                    They will be as near to you as your own breathing,

And as much a part of you as you own dreaming.                                                                                                                                    They will exist in you as love.

James E. Miller – Seasons of Grief and Healing, A Guide for those who Mourn

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Going through the visitation line at a funeral is overwhelming. Sometimes it’s the first time seeing the family since the death of your loved one. Seeing everyone so distraught is emotionally draining and can leave us feeling stymied when it’s our turn to meet the family in the visitation line. Prepare yourself to come face to face with the family of the departed by thinking about what you’re going to say ahead of time. Here are 5 sentiments to share with the family as you make your way through the visitation line.

1. I’m Sorry for Your Loss

If you can’t think of anything else to say in the visitation line, tell the family that you are sorry for their loss. It lets them know that you recognize their sadness instead of minimizing their grief. Saying things like, “at least he lived a long life,” or “at least you got to spend those final days with her,” is insensitive and shows that you truly don’t understand the magnitude of their loss. Tell the family that you’re sorry for their loss and if that’s all you can muster up the strength to say, give them a hug and leave it at that.

2. Share a Memory

As you make your way through the line, share a story about the departed with the family. Whether it’s a memory that you all share together or one that is unique to you and the departed. Hopefully it will lighten their spirits, even if for just a moment.

3. Share Your Favorite Thing About the Departed

Say something like, “I just loved how your mom always had a smile on her face.” Or, “your sister had a special way of lighting up a room, I sure will miss her.” Pointing out the great qualities of the departed will remind the family of what a great person they had in their lives and keep the memory alive.

4. What They Meant to You

Telling the family just how important the departed was to you will give them a sense of pride: To know that their father was a mentor to you, or their daughter taught you everything you know about cooking. Share your profound experience with the departed with the family to let them know how much you will miss having them in your life.

5. Bring a Photo or Keepsake to Share

If you have a special photo of the departed or something that reminds you of them, bring it to the visitation and share it with the family. It’s a physical reminder of the departed, and can even show the family their loved one at a stage in his or her life that they had never known.

So often people fail to give any thought to what they’re going to say during the visitation and end up unintentionally saying something hurtful or insensitive. Plan ahead and think about what you want to say so the words don’t come out wrong when you come through the visitation line.

A sympathy card is a great way to reach out to someone in their time of loss. You can usually find a card that does a great job of expressing your sympathy in a powerful and meaningful way. However, it means so much more if you take the time to write a personal message in the card. The only problem is, coming up with the right thing to say can be very challenging. It’s hard to find words to express the magnitude of your sympathy and condolences. Here are some examples of messages to write in your sympathy card when you don’t quite know what to say.

1. You Are in My Prayers

When a person is grieving they can take comfort in the fact that people are praying for them. It makes them realize that they’re not alone. Let the person know that you’re thinking about them and praying for them often.

“My heart goes out to you in your time of loss. Know that I am thinking of you often and I will keep you and your family in my prayers every day.”

2. I’m Sorry for Your Loss

Sometimes the best way to express your sympathy is to let them know that you are sorry. Not that it was your fault that their loved one died, but you’re sorry that it happened, sorry that they are grieving, sorry for the pain.

“I am so sorry for your loss. Your sister was such a wonderful person, she will be greatly missed by so many.”

3. My Favorite Memory of Your Loved One is…

Following the death of a loved one it can be so nice to hear stories about the departed. We can no longer see them or hear their voice, so stories about them help us to continue to feel connected to them and feel their presence. Write down your favorite memory of the departed in a sympathy card to share that special moment with their loved one.

“I will miss your father so much. It seems like just yesterday we were graduating college together. I will never forget the wonderful times we had together.”

4. I am Here for You

Losing a loved one can make us feel alone or abandoned. The overwhelming burden of grief that makes everyday living seem nearly impossible. Let your loved one know that you are here for them in their time of grief and that they can turn to you with whatever they need help with.

“I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. Know that if there’s anything you need, whether it’s a babysitter, grocery shopper or just a shoulder to cry on, you can always call on me.”

5. I Love You

Finding the words to say to our closest friends and family members during their time of loss can be the most difficult challenge. It is those people who we are the closest to that really leave us searching for just the right words to say. Why not take this time to let them know how much you love them? Bring comfort to your loved one during their time of pain and suffering by reminding them that they are loved.

“During this time of pain and sorrow, know that I love you and am here to help you through.”

The truth is, your message doesn’t have to be perfect. Your loved one will take comfort knowing that you put some thought and care into writing a personalized message. Think about what you would want someone to say to you during your time of grief and try to put that into words in your sympathy card.

The Light of Love Lives Forever.  The love from your dear ones lights up your life.

Their light remains a part of you no matter what.

Although it may seem that their light has been extinguished, look closer.  Their light shines upon you and out from within you, now and forever.

A memorial stone is a unique and special way of helping to ease the pain of loss and keep memories alive.  Lasting far longer than a flower arrangement or sympathy card, an inspirational garden stone is the perfect way to express your feelings and show your support.  And with an inspirational saying or an inscription related to the deceased, it is a way to keep loved ones close.

Memorial gifts have become quite popular in recent years as more people search for a different way of demonstrating their sympathy.  It can be hard to find the right words at such a difficult time and a gift can help to ease that struggle, showing your support in a tangible way that speaks far louder than words.  There are many kinds of memorial gifts, making it easy to find just the right expression no matter what the circumstances.

Everything from an angel statue, to a picture frame to an inspirational book can bring comfort and consolation during the grieving process.  Garden related gifts are particularly popular, whether it be a wind chime, a statue or a stone.  A memorial stone is particularly effective for remembering a beloved pet and can even be used to mark the burial spot.

But these special remembrances are not only for pets.  You can find any number of garden stones with inspirational sayings that can apply to the loss of any loved one.  Since the garden is traditionally a place of peace and even spirituality, what better way to mark the passing of a loved one than by designating a special spot in your garden?

It may not have occurred to you to send a memorial stone as a sympathy gift, but it makes perfect sense.  Every time they look at the stone, your friend or family member will not only be reminded of the loved one they lost but of your love and concern as well.  It’s the perfect way to show that you are with them on the journey through grief.

That can be a long journey and while there may be a large outpouring of sympathy at the start, it can get much more difficult when time passes and that support system begins to wane.  That’s where a sympathy gift can make all the difference, helping to ease the pain days, weeks, and even months later.  You can give a gift at any time and it will still hold the same impact, maybe even more so later in time.

A memorial stone in particular can be a very personal gesture, allowing you to express your support when words fail you.  And words can be very inadequate at times like this.  Often, it’s silent support that means the most, letting your loved one know that they are not alone in their grief.  Sympathy cards and flowers simply cannot duplicate that gesture.

If you’re looking for a special way to ease the grieving process for a loved one, why not consider a sympathy gift?  Whether a garden stone, or a book or something else, it can be the best way to say what’s really in your heart.  Don’t feel the need to say just the right thing, choose a memorial gift and let it do the speaking for you.

He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your  back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on

David Harkins 

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Hang on when riding the roller coaster of grief.

Image via Wikipedia

You can yell and scream all you want as your grief hits all those curves and dips and bumps, but don’t give up.

Hang on to hope. Hang on to love.  Hang on to memories.  Hang on to life.

Know that a bad day just means you can “start over” tomorrow. Have realistic goals that you can meet. Be fair to yourself.

We all have bad days that blindside us, the ups and downs of the grief, but these bad days also enable us to feel the beauty of a good day, the love of a friend, the power of a gorgeous sunset, the peace of a serene lake, or the joy of a child.

Hang on!

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Prescription:  Patience, 100 mg.  A daily dose of patience (100 mg) each morning will fortify you to be patient with yourself, giving yourself time to grieve. Don’t be in a rush. Wallow in your grief. Feel every emotion. “Name it and claim it,” as TV’s Dr. Phil advises. You need to have patience while grieving.

Listen to your heart. Do what helps, not what others think you should do. Feel the burdens of anger, guilt, loneliness, sadness and confusion slip away as you deal openly with each emotion. Go slowly.

Discover what you can do, and do it with all your heart.

Each day, I did what I could, which was only a fraction of what I had accomplished before. I just didn’t have the energy to deal with everything. I had to learn to pick and choose what would make up my day, doing only those things that would give me a lift. Whenever I got overtired, I was a puddle of tears, so I had to learn my limits. Patiently, I had to “reinvent” myself as I created my “new normal,” the new me doing the new things that brought some joy back into my life.

By Elaine Stillwell Grief Digest Magazine – December 7, 2012

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Grief and the Holidays: Pay Attention to Yourself.  These words are worth repeating.  The holidays are difficult when you are dealing with grief and have lost someone, so self care is critical.

Rest when you need too.  Listen when that little voice tells you that you’re too tired to shop and buy one more gift. Give yourself the option of not attending another party.

Be sure to let your friends and family know what you are up for, and what you are not up for. Pay attention to what you don’t want to do, and what others can do for you.  As you become aware of these things, share them with others who can help you do these things.

Ask for help when you need it.  Most people want to help you, and simply just do not know how.  Give them the opportunity to help you and don’t try to do everything your self.

The holidays are the season of giving, and others do want to give to you!  Let them know what you need.

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