I sometimes still think I hear his voice

in the words I hear myself say.

I think I see him in the crowd,

but I can’t get to him before he fades away.

 

I’m still not convinced this is all real.

I’m hanging on to the chance that it’s not.

It’s not the reality I want,

but painfully it’s the only one I’ve got.

 

Do you know how it is when your world,

your reality, and everything go?

The colors, they fade,

and time moves too fast or too slow.

 

When you realize there’s only so little you can sleep,

you wish it’d been a nightmare and hope for a dream

and you see that the medicine cabinet’s only so deep.

 

But this is one thing that is just exactly as it seems,

the hot-lava tears that run down your face

and the sad songs that seem to repeat,

when you’re lying in your bed with the curtains drawn

still feeling so unbelievably beat.

 

I still think it’s him

when I go to answer the phone,

when I drive in the car

and I don’t feel like I’m alone.

 

I wake up in the morning,

lay my head down at night

and think there’ll never be a point

when things go back to feeling just right.

Related articles

• A living nightmare (susieslittleinspirations.wordpress.com)
• Theodore Roethke – “The Waking” (combatsteve.wordpress.com)

The time we have with our loved one is never enough.

Just one more Hi,
Just one more Good-bye,

Just one more moment,
Just one more second.

Just one more hug,
Just one more tug,

Just one more kiss,
Just one more miss.

Just one more flower,
Just one more hour,

Just one more dance,
Just one more chance.

~Alise Ann Heimbecker, granddaughter of Captain Phillip A. Heimbecker, Sr., who was killed in the line of duty on July 11, 1993, printed in Concerns of Police Survivors Newsletter.

Your Loved One Spirit is Here. You are saying good-bye to the person’s physical presence, but not the spirit or love. Your loved one’s spirit will continue to live on and connect with you in ways that can be unimaginable right now.

When you think about your loved one, remember his or her love for you. It doesn’t go away. It stays with you. Love is eternal.

Once you have love, you cannot lose it. It is yours always. It does not diminish over time, but continues to grow stronger, especially from the spiritual realm.

Should I ever leave you

I do want you to know,

I am always here with you.

Whether life is fast or slow,

I will always stand beside you,

and I will always be close by.

I will always wipe away your tears

when I see you cry,

for I love you

and never will I truly be gone.

Author-John Harris

 Wishing you healing for today,

Chelsea

COPYRIGHT 2012, With Sympathy Gifts and Keepsakes, LLC.

When a person is born, we rejoice, and when they’re married, we jubilate, but when they die, we pretend nothing happened.  – Margaret Mead

Today as we live in the twenty first century, our culture promotes a sort of death denial or death avoidance.

• We do not like to talk about or think about death, simply because we fear it.
• We don’t want to admit death will happen and that it is real.
• We like to keep death at a distance.

Today we are unfortunately not as publically and privately enlightened about death as our ancestors from years ago.  This leaves those grieving alone since people have not learned how to talk about death and how to support the grieving.  Due to our lack of understanding and fear, the bereaved often do not receive the support they need.

This practice needs to be changed and it can start with you.  Let others know that it is okay to talk about the person who died.  Tell them you welcome the stories and memories, as well as the emotions it may evoke in you – good or bad.  Forgive others when they may not say anything because they don’t mean to be hurtful.  You can simply say, “Even when I get upset or sad, I like when you talk about Roger.  It lets me know that you care about me and that you are thinking about him.”  Or more simply, you can state,“It would help me if we could talk about Roger’s death.”

Let’s others know that you need their support. What simple sentence can you commit to memory to express this?  

Related articles

• Why Do We Experience Grief? (archive.aweber.com)
• Understanding and Managing Grief, February 26 – March 3, 2012 (griefhealingblog.com)
• Death is Not a Dirty Word (newenglandpethospice.blogspot.com)
• Preparing for Grief (everydayhealth.com)

Here is your Healing Thought of the Day…You are Safe.  You will learn new ways to connect with your loved one and their spirit.

Try imagining this healing thought…

Be still and you can feel your loved one’s loving presence around you…you can feel the love and care of your spirit guides and angels.  They are here for you now and they will always be here for you.  Just believe that you have this special bond and it will happen.

Know that you are safe and loved from above.

Everything will be okay.

And has always been okay.

You are safe.

In the Arm’s of an Angel, May You Find Some Comfort Here – Sarah McLachlan

A Powerful Healing Affirmation: Make a Commitment to Life

Tell Yourself You Will Get Through This.  

Others have made it through loss, and you will too.  Some days you may not believe this, but you will.

Make a commitment to yourself and your loved one that you won’t give up. Sometimes the promises we make to our self can be broken when we are in such pain.

Not only should you make a promise of life to yourself,

but also a commitment to your loved one 

Your loved one wants you to be happy and go on to have a great life.  You can only do this by going through this phase of your grief and life.  You can do it….And you will do it!  You may need to pull out your reserves of strength, but they are there.  Ready to use, when you need them.  Call on them and your network of support.

And when you look back at this phase in your life, you are not going to feel the pain.  Instead, you are going to remember your loved one’s presence in your live…and the love he or she had for you then and still has for you now.

Affirmation:  I am making it through this moment and day.  I am committed to life.  

                                                                Wishing you strength  for the moment,

                     Chelsea Hanson

• Make a Promise to Yourself….Your Life Can Be Full Again (withsympathygifts.com)
• How to move beyond grief when you’ve lost your mum or dad…Why it’s NOT about emotion (kristiewest.com)

A man doesn’t plant a tree for himself. He plants it for posterity. – Alexander Smith

Oak Tree Sunrise, Ansel Adams

One of the most thoughtful sympathy gifts I received after my mother died was a gift certificate to a local nursery to purchase a tree.  Now 15 years later, every time I look out my kitchen window I see this beautiful tree, which reminds me of my mother and the thoughtfulness of our friends who gave us this gift.  Planting a tree as a lasting memorial is a meaningful way to create someone you lost.

Planting a tree is a meaningful and lasting way to create a memorial for someone you lost. Nothing better represents the cycle of life than a growing tree…from the spring buds….to the beautiful summer blooms…to the falling leaves and winter rest.  All for the growth cycle to begin again.

You may wonder what kind of tree to plant?  Are there certain trees that you like or perhaps ones that your loved one enjoyed?  For some ideas:

Oak trees represent strength.

Willow trees represent release and a new start

Cypress trees represent endings

Yew trees symbolize immortality.

Hoping you find just the right way to memorialize the person you lost,

                    Chelsea

Under the weeping willow tree (simpleme2.wordpress.com)

After the first few weeks of loss, we are so depleted that it may feel impossible to ask for help, or even know what help to ask for.   Friends want to help, but they often are not sure either on what to do.  Below is a short list of ways to take charge of your grief and ask for help.  Consider copying or e-mailing this list to friends.

• Please reach out to me with specific offers of help.  Don’t expect me to reach out to you.  I am overwhelmed, and the simple act of picking up the phone can be too much.  Simply, help me with responsibilities.  Offer to help with errands, the kids, the laundry, meal preparation and the everyday things that I may not be able to complete.
• Please share a meal with me.  Eating alone or without my loved one is difficult.  Please bring a meal over on invite me to go out to eat.
• Please don’t minimize my feelings or try to eliminate the pain.
• Please remember me on special dates, such as the one-month anniversary of loss, my loved one’s birthday, the holidays, and other milestones.
• Please say the name of my loved one.  It doesn’t upset me.  In fact, I like to hear my loved one name.
• Please don’t judge how I am grieving.  Support my decisions and how I choose to grieve.
• Please help me through the entire journey of grief.  I need your friendship and support during this dark time.

If you are not comfortable sharing the list of suggestions yourself, perhaps have a close friend or family member serve as a guide in letting others how to best help you.

The Light of Love Lives Forever.  The love from your dear ones lights up your life.

Their light remains a part of you no matter what.

Although it may seem that their light has been extinguished, look closer.  Their light shines upon you and out from within you, now and forever.

Memories – joyful, bittersweet, loving. They can never be taken from you, they are yours to keep always.  

Because your memories are such a special gift for you to enjoy, how you would like to preserve them for yourself and future generations?  Here are some ideas:

1.) Would you like to be recorded as you vividly talk about favorite memories?

2.) Would you like to write the stories that go along with photos?

3.) Would you like to simply write out some of your fond memories in a notebook?

You don’t need to be fancy in what you do.  It is healing to write out and think about fond memories….and then you will have your memories preserved forever…and they will be there when you need them.

Nothing can ever take away the beauty and tenderness of the moments you have shared with those you love. 

Memories Can Last a Lifetime