Public speaking is tough. Add to that a tragedy, deep loss, and high emotions, and now you’re talking about a whole different animal all together. “Tough” doesn’t even begin to describe the task of giving a eulogy. But if you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy, take comfort knowing that you’re doing something honorable for the one you loved and lost. The eulogy should be meaningful and from the heart, but there are a few restrictions you’re going to want to make. Here are 3 things you shouldn’t say during a eulogy.

Justify the Loss

Even if your loved one was suffering toward the end of his or her life, you never want to minimize the loss by saying something like “At least Tom is in a better place” or “At least Jennifer lived a good, long life.” Everyone will have their own individual thoughts and feelings about the death. Some won’t agree with your justification, and minimizing the loss is bound to upset people during the service.

Inappropriate Humor

Cracking a joke during your eulogy is a great way to lighten the mood even if just for a moment. However, tread lightly if you decide to incorporate humor into your eulogy. A poorly executed joke will be very uncomfortable for both you and the rest of the attendees. Stay away from inside jokes and jokes that would be considered inappropriate for the circumstances or just in bad taste. This can be tough to determine, but use your discretion and seek the approval of someone else before you inject a joke into your eulogy.

Inappropriate Stories

Stories are a great way to commemorate your loved one during the eulogy, as long as you keep sensitivity paramount. A eulogy is not the time or place to tell a story about a crazy night out you had together during college or a time when your loved one did something he or she might not be proud of. While it may be funny or entertaining to you, some people will find it offensive or simply bad taste.

As long as you remember the fact that you’re job in writing the eulogy is to honor your loved one and remind people of the wonderful person you all had the privilege of knowing, your eulogy will be great. And remember, there’s no shame in asking for help. If you’re uncertain about a portion of your eulogy, reach out to someone close to you who will offer their insights and give you constructive criticism.